What's The Point Of All The Beauty In The World If You Won't Share It With Me

The first thing I want to say has nothing to do with anything: I am not a politically minded person. I recognize names of politicians and don't know anything about them beyond the fact that I recognize the names. That being said, I don't like Newt Gingrich because not only is his first name Newt but his surname might as well be Grinch. That is my political commentary for the year.
Now, on to the reason I actually came here: to write an embarrassing post about loneliness that I would regret later if it weren't for the fact that nobody reads this blog.
First of all, almost invariably when I open up to a friend or family member about how I hate the fact that I've never had a boyfriend or any sort of romantic connection to anyone, they respond with "It's not that great." To which I always want to respond "You know what? Fuck you and go to hell!" I don't care if you think it's that great or not, it doesn't change the fact that I'm motherfucking lonely, and whoop de doo for you that you've had someone love you back so that you can take it for granted enough to try and trivialize my feelings.
I'm also sick of people telling me "Oh, you're a late bloomer." No I'm not. I bloomed on time, no one wanted me. Everyone continues to not want me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to fix it because nobody will fucking tell me. (Drag queens tried to, sort of, but while I had a fun time getting that makeover, I'd rather someone love me and not Jezebel Fever.)
I have been in love before, but it's never been reciprocated. The same thing always happens: I fall for guys I'm friends with. Either we're friends first and then I fall for them or I get a crush on them and strike up a friendship that refuses to ever be anything but friendship. Friendship is always where I stay. There's nothing beyond that for me. I'm a friend or I don't exist (hell, even when I'm a friend half the time it's like I don't exist anyway).
There's a song by Descendents called In Love This Way that actually sums up my situation better than I ever could:



"I wonder if I'm more than just a friend; did I really see a fire or just inside my head? Sometimes I know you just want me to go away. It's so hard to be a friend and be in love this way."
This has been happening to me since junior high school and it's a pattern I can't figure out how to break. And it, coupled with the fact that I haven't figured out yet what I want to do with my life, is making it very difficult to see the point in continuing to exist at all.
That sounds far more melodramatic than I meant it to. I'm not contemplating suicide or anything; I'm just frustrated with the rut of aimlessness and loneliness I've gotten myself stuck in.
On the flipside, I'm pretty much the best example to prove all those people who think homosexuality is a choice are wrong: if it were, I would have chosen to be a lesbian a long time ago. I think I'd have better luck with women than with men.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Don't Feel Like Coming Up With A Title For This Post

I just feel like listening to this song over and over.



Hell yes! Local H rocks!!! It's a shame I'm not more familiar with their music. I like every song I've heard by them, why haven't I bothered to become a bigger fan?
I don't know.
Oh well.
I'm going to listen to California Songs again.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

This Post Contains A Curse Word I Love But Rarely Say Because It Really Offends A Lot Of People

Holy mother of everything that is right with the world, I hate this commercial:



Now let me tell you why:
Because the shallow, materialistic cunt who won't shut up is supposed to be the protagonist here. We, the audience, are supposed to find her outburst charming, cute or even relateable. Because apparently Christmas is about getting what you want, not appreciating the fact that you have friends and family who love you enough to give you anything at all.
I love Christmas. I love the season, the decorations, the food that always seems to come with the season, and I love both giving and receiving presents. I tend to give presents without consulting people's wish lists because I'd rather put some thought into the gifts and give people things that I either find or make with them in mind. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but it comes from a place of caring.
Conversely, I don't care what I get for Christmas. It's always nice to get stuff from a wish list, but the only gift I can think of that I wouldn't appreciate is poison. Heck, just a card is enough. It's kind of the point of Christmas, isn't is? Showing your family and friends that you love and appreciate them by graciously exchanging gifts or sending cards or spending time together?
Obviously this bitch cares more about getting new clothes than she cares about her family or the Christmas season.
Therefore, the only way this commercial would be any good would be if it was extended to show this same family on Christmas morning, with everybody happily exchanging presents, with the exception of Materialistic Outburst Girl, because her family put all the gifts intended for her up for sale on Ebay as soon as she finished her little solo.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Don't Know What The Point I Want To Make Is, But...

I just read a brief article (more of a blurb, really) in a newspaper from a few days ago about how some politician lady is demanding an apology because when she was a guest on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, house band The Roots played her on with the following song:



I guess Jimmy Fallon and Questlove both aplogogized when Politician Lady got offended, but she's still bitching because NBC didn't apologize to her, even though NBC wasn't told in advance it was going to happen. (It was, according to a quote from Questlove in the article, "tongue-in-cheek and spur-of-the-moment.") 'Cause, you know, when I'm pissed off about something, I demand apologies from larger authorities who have nothing to do with my complaint.
(Non-sarcastic example: When a restaurant in New Orleans Square in Disneyland stopped serving beef stew in a bread bowl, I was bummed out but I didn't demand restaurant sponsor Stouffer's apologize.)
Politician Lady is mad because she thinks it was a jab at her because she's a Conservative Politician Lady. And it probably was, but who cares? Her issue should be with The Roots (whose frontman apologized) and not with NBC (who had nothing to do with it).
Now, here is my commentary about the situation:
I don't watch Jimmy Fallon, I'm not really familiar with The Roots and have only just recently started listening to Fishbone. I'm so uninformed on politics, I can't tell you Political Lady's name (I could if I bothered to look it up, but I don't care that much).
What I wonder is, if no one in the media had made the connection and pointed out that The Roots were playing a song called Lyin'Ass Bitch when Political Lady walked on stage, would she be complaining right now?
I mean, yeah I'm stereotyping, but I have a very hard time believeing a middle aged, conservative politician is familiar with a punk-pop-ska-metal-rock-soul fusion band like Fishbone.
Maybe if everybody who recognized the song had kept their mouths shut, I wouldn't have to get annoyed reading about some politician who's throwing a tantrum because The Roots don't like her. Or whatever.
Is it a free speech issue, maybe? I think so?
At any rate, it's a catchy song. I hope if I'm ever famous enough to be a guest on Jimmy Fallon, The Roots will play Lyin'Ass Bitch when I walk onstage.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

My But It's Been A While

When was the last time I posted on my dear Twenty Pounds Of Crazy blog? I can't even remember. To all of my zero readers, I do apologize. I must have been busy or something.
Probably the most important thing that's happened to me lately didn't actually happen to me. Amanda and Ivan, two of my best friends, got married last month. Here's the highlight reel:



A week ago I went to see a documentary about Fishbone, which was good enough to make me seek out their music. Sadly, I can't afford to buy any of their albums (I'm still unemployed) but I can watch their music videos on Youtube. So far my favorites are Sunless Saturday:



and Modern Industry:



Of course, the reason I went to see the movie in the first place was because I heard Eugene Hutz was in it. (He was, but for less than a minute.) And we all know how much I love Eugene Hutz (and, by extension, Gogol Bordello. ... Actually, I guess I loved Gogol Bordello first and Eugene Hutz by extension. Whatever):



On Halloween I hung out with my friend Dan, who showed me a video of his band (Don Juan Y Los Blancos, who are working on an album; assuming I don't forget about this blog completely, I'll probably write an entry when it comes out. Not that anyone reads this, but at least I'll feel like I helped promote it) playing in Vegas a few weeks ago:



But I think the video I've been watching most of all is Prisencolinensinainciusol by Adriano Celentano. This is what English sounds like to Italians, apparently. And it's pretty much spot on (and the song is catchy as all fuck):



Even better than that, though? This NW5 video. Oh my god, you guys, I'm seriously. It's so good! So good! (Also, I really want to see the movie it's promoting. Der Wixxer, indeed!):



And that's about it for me. Still job hunting, getting back in the mood to watch movies, listening to a lot of music as always. In a couple weeks my mom and I are going to go see They Might Be Giants in Anaheim. I certainly hope they'll play Marty Beller Mask:



But they probably get that a lot:



Be seeing you.
-Sally

As Long As I'm Alienating Everyone...

What's the big deal about Steve Jobs?
I understand why his friends and family are sad; it's always hard to lose someone close to you.
I understand why my Mac-head friends are sad; when famous people I'm a fan of die, I tend to be pretty devastated.
But a friend of my dad's posted something on Facebook about how he was mourning the loss of Steve Jobs, but preceded his comment with "I've never used one of his products, but..."
Okay, then why the fuck do you care? I also have never used his products. And I don't mourn his passing, either. I'll leave the grief to the people to whom the guy actually mattered.
Also, my friend told me that he'd had cancer for a long time, so I can't imagine this was all that surprising (it was surprising to me, but I didn't know 'til yesterday that he had cancer), especially when you take into account the fact that he stepped down from his CEO job recently. Sounds like he knew it was coming.
I saw a headline today that said something about "What's Apple going to do now without Steve Jobs?" Ummm, he already quit. If it was worth worrying about at all (which, if you don't work for Apple, it isn't), it was worth worrying about before he died. They should have already had it figured out by now.
I know I sound heartless but I feel like people are making far too big a deal of it. Everyone is acting like he changed the world and touched us all, but I don't see how. I don't think he affected my life much, other than my intense hatred for Mac commercials and my subsequent distaste for Justin Long and John Hodgeman. And I don't think I can blame Steve Jobs for that; that sounds more like I have advertising executives to blame.
So, to my Mac-head friends and to the people who actually knew Steve Jobs personally, I'm sorry for your loss. I really am.
To the rest of you, get over it. You only think you're sad 'cause you recognize his name.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Don't Believe In Nerds

Last night I was Facebook-chatting with my friend Rebekah, who mentioned to me Simon Pegg is a fan of The Bonzo Dog (Doo Dah) Band. She told me this because I'm the reason she's heard of the Bonzo Dogs. I talked a bit about the band and told her that I loved Hot Fuzz and thought Shaun Of The Dead was okay, but that's all I really know about Simon Pegg.
Her response was that he's a "self proclaimed geek."
My response was "Everyone is these days."
Then I got mad.
Now, it's not that I don't call myself a nerd or a dork or a geek all the freaking time. I called myself a "dumbass nerd" the other day when I caught myself singing I Think I Love You to the picture of Eugene Hutz on my computer's desktop. (I do that. It's fun and he's pretty.) I like some things that are considered "nerdy" and I'm sure every other "self proclaimed geek" does, too.
The problem is everyone is a "self proclaimed geek" and I don't really believe most of these people anymore.
First of all, I feel like society should have come far enough by now to have moved past labels like that. Every human being on the planet has some nerdy aspects to their personality and some non-nerdy aspects. Every human being has a lot of different interests and opinions, complex emotions and personal hypocracies. Everyone. Calling a person a geek or a nerd because they have a wide variety of interests (which seems to be the criteria these days) is lazy and pointless. That's not geeky, that's human.
In my opinion, the trendiness of "nerd culture" is offensive. On top of that, "nerd culture" is the patient zero who started the Liking Things Ironically Epidemic, which I absolutely cannot stand and wish would implode and disappear right now. (My profile picture on Facebook at the moment is the quote "If irony is your way of life, you are fucked.") It's cynical and hollow, and it makes me concerned for the future (moreso than I usually am).
I can no longer tell the difference between irony and sincerity, and I hate that. And it frightens me that the people of my generation will soon be the people in charge. I don't want to live in a world where people who have ironic mustaches and "liked it before it was cool" are running the place.
What happens when "nerd culture" goes out of fashion? My mom was complaining the other day that, once something is no longer cool, people act like they never liked it at all. The complaint was inspired by a disparaging remark about "Cosby sweaters" on the radio. (My mom likes Cosby sweaters. She thinks they look warm.) It's a good point.
Everyone acts like the 1980s were a horrible time for everything, but I genuinely liked a lot of what was going on back then; I like their horror movies, a lot of the music, the overabundance of rainbows in graphic design and a lot of the fashion (not all of it; I think big shoulder pads and skintight jumpsuits are ugly). And I think right now the 1980s are trendy again, but ironically. It's okay to like the '80s if you don't really mean it. That doesn't even make sense!
And it's an empty and depressing way to live your life.
So what does happen when liking things ironically and "nerd culture" go out of style? ...
I don't know.
Chris Hardwick will be out of a job, I suppose. I adore Chris Hardwick as a human being and as a comedian, but I do blame him quite a bit for the nerd trend; his website is called Nerdist for crying out loud. As he gains momentum, the more the nerd trend grows. Somewhere out there is a breaking point.
Nah, that's not true (the part about Chris being out of work). He'll keep doing what he does. When the break happens and the nerd trend dissipates, I don't think much will change for Chris Hardwick, because in spite of the fact that he bandies about the nerd label like it means something, he genuinely is one.
Those people out there who really are nerds, nothing will change when everybody tires of nerd culture.
Those people out there who are lucky enough to have completely moved past labeling people and things (sadly, I haven't gotten to that point; I'm trying my damnedest, but I can only think in the words and phrases available to me, and a lot of those are labels) won't even notice the difference.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Mind Your Business

My business is posting videos that are awesome. Therefore, new They Might Be Giants!!!



This is the first TMBG video in quite some time that isn't animated or made with puppets. Which makes me happy because I like being able to see the band members. Also, most forms of animation frighten me.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Extra Maximum Double Radical Respekt To My New Neighborhood Jam Rewind

I didn't have computer access on Monday, but if I did, I would have written a post about how it was Eugene Hutz's thirty ninth birthday, and also that Eugene Hutz is freaking fantastic. And it might have gone something like this:

I first heard Gogol Bordello playing in a Hot Pocit while looking for, probably, toys or t-shirts pertaining to Rob Zombie movies. I wasn't coming up with anything, though, and was getting ready to leave when I heard this:



Which led me to nearly attack the lady working there. "What is this? I need it!!!"
"I don't know how to pronounce it? Go-go something?" She showed me the album cover. And, ironically, they didn't have any copies of the album on the rack for sale so I had to go buy Super Taranta from a different store.
And I listened to it a whole hell of a lot for about a week. I also made mix tapes for my brother that had some Gogol Bordello songs on them. And then, in an act of not thinking ahead, I sold my copy of Super Taranta to Amoeba because I couldn't figure out how to sing along with it. (Sometimes I'm stupid.)
Meanwhile, my brother had gotten my mom and stepdad into Gogol Bordello, especially thanks to Through The Roof 'N' Underground, which they just fell in love with. And who can blame them?:



So when Gogol Bordello were going to be playing in Ventura, my mom bought us all tickets and, well, that was pretty much the end of it for me. I kicked myself fifty times for selling that album (then went out and re-bought it. And also bought all their other albums. And the J.U.F. album. And I found a nice lady on the internet who traded me a copy of The Fags' album for a Fantomas album) and furthermore, I've rarely shut up about the band since.
About a week after the concert I turned on ... I don't know, one of those fancy cable stations that actually shows music videos just in time to see the last ninety seconds or so of American Wedding, the first official Gogol Bordello music video I ever saw:



After that, the history of my fandom gets a bit fuzzy. I know I now own a couple movies I never would have even watched if it weren't for Eugene Hutz, the first of which was Everything Is Illuminated:



I find it funny that this trailer is playing a song with the lyrics "You already know how this will end" as it shows you pretty much the entire end of the movie. Also, don't let the trailer fool you; this movie ain't about Jonfen. It's Alex's story.
I think I might actually like Everything Is Illuminated, even though I do fast forward through a lot of it (and I hated the book so much I read it all in one afternoon just so it would be over and I could return it to the library so it wouldn't be in my house anymore). I've certainly watched it more times than Filth And Wisdom:



Certainly not my kind of movie, but I've still seen it three times. And I own it. And I will probably watch it several more times in my lifetime. Because I adore Eugene Hutz and he's in it a lot. And sometimes that's all I need. I own plenty of movies simply for the "I love this actor" factor.
Hee hee, "actor factor."
Anyway, Eugene Hutz is thirty nine now, and that is cool. 'Cause he's cool. And his band is cool. And their music is fucking kickass!!!



Be seeing you.
-Sally

Am I Mumbling On...

I know I say this about a lot of things, but Madness is pretty much the greatest thing. I'm a product of my generation, sadly; I throw around superlatives like they don't mean anything, regardless of how much I do mean them. It's impossible to properly express one's deep and genuine love for things anymore because everybody refers to pretty much all things they mildly enjoy as "literally the best thing ever." I don't use the word "literally" but the rest of that sentence is sadly one that I over-use.
That is not the issue right now.
The issue right now is Madness and the fact that they are, in fact, fantastic. They are a band that I grew up listening to and the fact that they're recently reunited (as of the early 2000s, I guess?) makes me joyful. The Liberty Of Norton Folgate is a great album, even if I have to skip Sugar And Spice because it makes me cry like a little sissy girl.
Apparently before Norton Folgate they released an album called Wonderful that I have yet to get ahold of but has on it, I've discovered thanks to the magic of music videos on Youtube, possibly my favorite Madness song (possibly. There are a lot of tough competitors out there, duking it out for the title of Best Madness Song). Ladies and gentlemen in ladies' attire, I give you Lovestruck!!!



Any of you who didn't enjoy that, we may have to have words.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Thanks, Michael J. Fox, Now I Wish I Had Some Oreos

This is possibly the second best thing Trey Parker and Matt Stone ever did, after Cannibal! The Musical, obviously. South Park loses points for becoming more concerned with teaching a lesson than being funny.
'Cause South Park was so good for a while, but then it got to a point when I just felt like I was being yelled at. I think it was the season where they killed off Chef, that's when I stopped watching. 'Cause it wasn't funny anymore. Even if I agreed with the message they were trying to get across they weren't using humor to back it up anymore, so why should I listen to them?
I know that South Park always had a moral at the end of the story; "I learned something today" and all that. But it was always funny, goddamnit! Every once in a while I'll try to give the show another chance and watch one of the new episodes and I always end up disappointed. I wanted to watch a hilarious show, not a lecture!
Anyway, let's just forget about that.
... Forget ... Forget ...
Have a wine cooler!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

The End Of A Collection

When I was about sixteen I started collecting Everything Mike Patton Had Ever Done.
I'm not just talking, like, Faith No More and Mr. Bungle albums, I'm talking everything. Some obscure noise album where he's on one track? You can sure bet I'd buy it (then listen to the one track once and then put it on the shelf and never touch it again). Some albums took me years to track down (at least one of which I ended up having to order from an Italian website that I couldn't read) and a lot of those weren't necessarily worth it. But I didn't mind; it drove me crazy knowing that there were Mike Patton songs I'd never heard and keeping the collection going eased that frustration.
But, as time goes on, tastes change. I'm still a Mike Patton fan, certainly, but not quite to the extent I once was. It's been a few years since I really made an effort to add anything to the collection (sure, I bought Peeping Tom and Mondo Cane the moment they were available, but it's been a great long while since I tried to track down something obscure because he performed on one song). I got lazy and, though I was actually caught up at one point, the man kept making music and doing guest spots on albums and I've fallen way behind.
And I'm finally ready to admit I'm okay with that.
The point of this ramble is, I'm taking a trip to Chicago next week and, being unemployed, I need all the extra cash I can get. And, even though it pains me a little (we're talking years of time and effort), I'm going to sell a good chunk of the collection to Amoeba. (Probably. There's always the chance they won't take stuff but, consarn it, I'm going to try at least.)
The only thing that really bothers me is I know I won't get back as much money as I spent on these albums. But maybe it's a good thing.
It's like a cleansing experience. I hope.
Why bring this all up? Because I want to have a comprehensive list of what I once had. So I give you now...

The Large Portion Of My Mike Patton Collection That I'm Selling So I Can Go On A Trip

-- A Bookshelf On Top Of The Sky: 12 Stories About John Zorn (documentary)
-- Angelica 1997
-- Blood Rooted by Sepultura; tracks Mine and Lookaway
-- Burner by Odd Nosdam; tracks 11th Ave Freakout Pt. 1 and 11th Ave Freakout Pt. 2
-- Charlie by Melt Banana; track Area 877 (Phoenix mix)
-- Down With The Scene by Kid 606; track Secrets 4 Sale
-- Elegy by John Zorn
-- Live At The Brixton Academy by Faith No More
-- Fear No Love by Bob Ostertag; tracks The Man In The Blue Slip and Not Your Girl
-- 50 (6) by Hemophiliac
-- 50 (12) by Painkiller
-- Getting To Know You: An Introduction To Ipecac Recordings (Rock A Rolla Magazine promo CD); track Not Alone "Dan The Automator Redux" (Peeping Tom)
-- Great Jewish Music: Burt Bacharach; track She's Gone Away
-- Great Jewish Music: Marc Bolan; track Chariot Choogle (Fantomas)
-- Great Jewish Music: Serge Gainsbourg; track Ford Mustang
-- Great Phone Calls; track Music Of The Night
-- Hemophiliac (limited edition two disc album)
-- I Am Legend (he was the voice of the monsters)
-- IAO: Music In Sacred Light by John Zorn; track Leviathan
-- Judgment Night: Music From The Motion Picture; track Another Body Murdered (Faith No More and Boo Yaa Tribe)
-- Love God by Milk Cult; track Relax And Sleep
-- Medulla by Bjork; tracks Pleasure Is All Mine and Where Is The Line
-- Memory Is An Elephant by Tin Hat Trio; secret track (everyone seems to think it's called Infinito, but I'm not convinced)
-- Moonchild: Songs Without Words by John Zorn
-- Music Romance Volume Two: Taboo And Exile by John Zorn; track Bulls-Eye
-- Pranzo Oltranzista by Mike Patton
-- Quero Saber by Carla Hassett; track Julia
-- Rise Above: 24 Black Flag Songs To Benefit The West Memphis Three; track Six Pack
-- Roots by Sepultura; track Lookaway
-- She by Maldoror
-- Six Litanies For Heliogabalus by John Zorn
-- Song Drapes by Jerry Hunt; track Song Drape 7 "I Come"
-- The Big Gundown: John Zorn Plays The Music Of Ennio Morricone; track The Ballad Of Hank McCain (vocal)
-- The Crybaby by The Melvins; track G.I. Joe
-- The Darkness (X Box 360 game)
-- The Gift by John Zorn; track Bridge To The Beyond
-- The Long Vein Of The Law by Subtle; track The Long Voice Of The Law
-- The Stone: Issue One
-- The Unknown Masada by John Zorn; track Zemaraim (Fantomas)
-- Trademark Of Quality (Warner Bros. promo CD); track Raping Your Mind (Mr. Bungle)
-- Tribus by Sepultura; track The Waste
-- Trouble by Jamie Saft Trio; track Ballad Of A Thin Man
-- Virginal Co Ordinates by Eyvind Kang
-- Voices In The Wilderness by John Zorn; track Kochot
-- Wamego Strikes Back (documentary)
-- Weird Little Boy
-- White People by Handsome Boy Modeling School; track Are You Down With It?

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Oh, Insomnia, You Petulant She-Bitch

It's one o'clock AM June 10, 2011. I'm wide awake. Not through choice. I'd been lying in the dark for the better part of an hour before I finally came to terms with the fact that either my mind or body (or both) was having none of it and now is apparently the time for me to be wide awake.
I tried very hard to get some writing done but my two main characters refuse to get to where they need to go. They are staunchly waiting in the car. Maybe Eddiphant thinks the hotel has a bellhop who's going to carry all those boxes in for him. It ain't gonna happen, Eddi! You carry your own damn boxes!
So that goes nowhere.
I wish I had a mission like my brother's. He's got a list of video nasties to track down and see. What do I have? I could search for Catch My Soul but how does one begin to search for a lost film? It's not like I can ask the director where it's gotten to (may he rest in peace); according to one article I read he tried to have his name taken off of it anyway. So all I can do is read my press kit and wait for the soundtrack to show up and wonder where do I go from there?
Searching for a lost film is not a profession.
Today at Amoeba I talked a man into buying A&E's volume one of The Prisoner on VHS. He talked me into buying The Bible ... In The Beginning. He seemed like a nice dude; I hope he enjoys the show. I certainly talked it up enough.
Harpo Marx seems to think it's time for Patrick McGoohan to step aside and let someone else have a turn in the spotlight of my mind. Harpo wants his moment to shine. I love Harpo and I had a big crush on him when I was a little girl but I've got about ten McGoohan movies left in the Movie Lottery bucket. I hope Harpo can be patient and wait for his turn 'til I've gotten through those.
It's tough when all your favorite actors are dead. You always know you'll never get to see them on a panel at a convention.
Last night I had a dream about a Former Friend returning into my life. It was an unwelcome return but there was nothing I could do about it. We went to a party at a house I may or may not have ever been to before. There were carnival games and tests of endurance. Former Friend hated the electrical shock booth but I found it exhilirating (just like in real life; if there's an "electrify yourself" machine in an arcade, it is guaranteed to get at least one of my quarters). Off in the corner on a couch sat a Current Friend, who I joined to watch a Muppet movie. I must have said the wrong thing, though, because Current Friend stormed away then returned with a STRONGLY WORDED LETTER WRITTEN IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS that essentially told me to go to hell and die, that I should never speak to Current Friend again. I was miserable.
Then my cell phone startled me awake with its "You Have A Text Message" noise. I chose the quietest alert tone available and it still wakes me. I am a very light sleeper.
My brain continues to play Honey by The Hush Sound in a loop. I don't know very many of the lyrics. Mostly it plays the "you are my love" and "you always let me down" parts.
I wish I could sleep. Or, at the very least, get over my writers block. Perhaps I need a change of focus. Maybe I should get to work on that musical I'll never finish because I don't know how to write music. Maybe I should just jump to the middle of the story and not even worry about how to get my characters out of where they are now. Maybe a third thing.
If I'm not going to have anything to do over the next couple of weeks I may as well just skip them and go straight to Chicago. I really hope my refunded application fee arrives before I leave.
There's no point in looking for a job when you'd have to ask for time off immediately.
When you bother to stop and think, that's when it all falls apart.
I have ten different nailpolishes. Each finger is a different color. I've always wanted that to happen.
I don't think my mom has that Why A Duck? book anymore. It probably wouldn't be worth it to go out to the living room and look. And I'm already in the middle of a book.
I think there need to be more evil Draculas and fewer romantic Draculas.
I don't like movie romance because it makes me hate myself. I don't think I'll ever find perfect movie love (or any at all, really; none that's returned, anyway). And I don't need to watch unrequited love stories, I've lived plenty enough of my own.
I'm embarrassed to have shared that. Luckily, nobody reads this blog.
Maybe I could try sleeping again. It's rather obvious I'm tired.
I will sleep late into the morning and hate my life all the more because of it. Any day that starts after nine AM is a day wasted. Lately all my days are wasted.
Any work that needs to be done or errands that need to be run should be over and done with by six PM. Nighttime is for fun and or relaxation. Nighttime is when dinners with friends happen, when comedy shows and plays are attended, when board games are played, when quality time with family and friends is spent. Work at night is only acceptable if the work is performance. Any other nighttime work is depressing and wasteful.
I am wasting my life.
I am wasting my life.
I am wasting my life.
I don't know how to stop wasting my life.
If it's never going to get any better I may as well just give up now.
That sounds far more drastic than it was intended.
I read somewhere once that intelligent people tend more toward night owlism and depression. So at least I'm not an idiot. It's refreshing to know I'm an intelligent waste of space.
It's one thirty AM on June 10, 2011. I'm wide awake. Not through choice.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

You've Got A Dark Heart

It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been neglecting this blog. And I'm sorry about that. But I haven't had much to say lately and I haven't been watcing Youtube videos lately.
This morning, however, I awoke to find my friend Ivan had suggested a new band for me to listen to. Their name is The Hush Sound, and they go like this:



I'm already obsessed and adding this to the list of music I have to get. And I love the video and its color codedness.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Why I Hate The New Muppets Trailer

Muppets!
Who doesn’t love The Muppets? Nobody, that's who.
Who could possibly not be excited for a new Muppet movie? Me, that’s who.
And apparently I’m a heartless bitch for admitting it. But, honestly, the trailer makes me weep into my cereal.
A friend of mine called me a buzzkill when I told her how much I hated the preview. I wanted to defend my stance but I'm no good at arranging my thoughts into a cohesive, intelligent argument on the spot, so I made some flailing, ill-worded attempts to explain why I hated the preview and she probably shook her head and thought "Oh, Sally; you hate everything that's new." Which isn't true. I just hate most things that are new.
In this case, however, it has nothing to do with the fact that it's a Muppet movie made after The Great Muppet Caper. I love Muppet movies (I never saw Muppets From Space or The Muppets Wizard Of Oz, but that's mainly out of laziness and not wanting to believe that Gonzo is an alien) and I was genuinely looking forward to this new one, even in spite of the fact that IMDB has been threatening a Rachael Ray cameo.
But then I saw the trailer and all my optimism and excitement went down the toilet. And now that I've had time to think about it and put my thoughts into cohesive, tangible sentences I can now share with the world (or, you know, the two people who might read this) why I hate that preview.

PROBLEM # 1: The set-up is awful.
Here’s Amy Adams and Jason Segel being a cutesy couple in love. No indication is given as to what he does for a living, but she seems to be a grade school teacher, meaning Segel is doomed to forever play characters in love with redheaded grade school teachers (for those of you who don't know, that's a reference to How I Met Your Mother. For those of you who knew that, I'm sorry I explained to you something you already understood).
They go to Hollywood, he forgets their anniversary, she walks out on him, the audience stabs themselves in the eyes so they won’t have to watch this nonsense anymore. The preview has succeeded in completely turning its audience against it.
Then Kermit The Frog shows up.

PROBLEM # 2: The Muppets deserve better than this.
You have beloved, iconic characters starring in a brand new feature film. What in the name of all that is right in the world would make a marketing executive try to sell that movie with a trailer that is horrible by design?
Until I saw this preview I would have thought it was impossible to screw up an ad for a Muppet movie. In fact, if someone asked me “What’s the one way not to sell a Muppet movie?” my reply would have been “Make the audience hate you, then show them Fozzie Bear.”
Hell, a trailer of a blank background that just says “NEW MUPPET MOVIE IN NOVEMBER!” would have been boring and questionable ("Hooray! New Muppet movie! ... What's it about? ... Who cares? Muppets!") but still more effective than this nonsense ("This is bullshit. This is awful. This preview is the worst. I would never pay money to watch this crap. ... Wait, why is Kermit there? Fuck! This piece of shit is a Muppet movie? Why would they do this?!").
At least the people who designed the poster understand the minimalist approach is better in this case.



This makes me actually want to see the movie. It almost washes out the bad taste the trailer left on my brain.

PROBLEM # 3: What does this mean about the movie itself?
You’ve shown me a preview for a movie that’s purposefully terrible, you’ve thrown in characters I love (which didn't win me back over to your side like you thought it would but further angered the beast instead) and then you finished with a few quick shots of some dancing and Amy Adams making “aren’t I so adorable” faces that would be obnoxious coming from an eight-year-old, let alone a woman in her forties.
What you haven’t done is given the audience the slightest idea of what the movie’s about. If you're not going to go with the "blank screen that just says 'NEW MUPPET MOVIE' on it" approach, you have to give the people some inkling of a plot. And I'm not sure if we got one or not.
We got a fake trailer for a movie that nobody wants to see on account of its being godawful. So I really hope that's not what the movie's about. But it's the only shred of plot we're given, so maybe it is what it's about, in which case we're back to the problem of that movie being godawful and nobody wanting to see it. You've taken the easiest job in the world (sell a Muppet movie) and turned it into a catch twenty two of gimmickiness.
You know what it means when a preview uses a gimmick rather than its own merits to sell a movie? It means the movie’s not any good.
For instance, trailers for Paranormal Activity showed no footage from the movie but instead the fearful reactions of audiences full of people watching the movie (who apparently find arguments and sleeping terrifying).
This goes back to my second point, which is the fact that a Muppet movie should be the easiest thing in the world to sell. Show some Muppets, show some slapstick, throw in a couple jokes and you’re done. The fact that the marketing team instead went with a gimmick that tells us nothing about the movie implies that the movie isn't any good. And that is very sad.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

AAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!

I love They Might Be Giants.
Also, I don't care what anybody says, I'm super excited for the next Pirates Of The Caribbean movie!



Barbossa's a hero!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Unsure On The Definition Of The Word "Influence"

There are a lot of these Above The Influence commercials, and they're all varying levels of insipidness. It's really hard to make a good "Don't Do Drugs" commercial, but I feel like the avoid-the-topic-completely method doesn't work. Especially when it cranks out ads like this:



Now, most of this commercial isn't really a problem. This girl's really into fashion but likes her own style and does all she can to make sure she doesn't follow trends. Whatever. That's her choice, good on her.
But then she has to go and end the ad with the line "Do I seem like I'm gonna let anything influence me?"
You've spent the entire commercial telling me how you make damn sure that you don't follow fashion trends; YES you sound like you let things influence you a great deal! "You're doing that? Then I'm going to do this!" That's a pretty classic example of letting something influence you.
The problem with this commercial (and, in fact, the entire campaign) is that it assumes that all influences are bad. I assume they chose "Above The Influence" because people who have taken drugs are "under the influence of drugs." Which is a trick that may even work in some of their commercials. But it doesn't work in this one because if you didn't know it's supposed to be an anti-drug commercial, you'd never know it was supposed to be an anti-drug commercial! It looks like it's an ad for trend aversion or, you know, clothes with an "I think I'm better than you" attitude.
I would also like to point out that clothing trends are not necessarily a negative influence. If there's a fashion that's trendy right now and you happen to like it, it's okay to follow it. It's when you go around following every trend mindlessly that it becomes a problem. Being above the influence of fashion is like saying you're above the influence of food trends. I'm not into the whole adding spiciness to chocolate but I've still got to eat. And, unless you're at a nudist camp, you've gotta wear clothes.
I will say I'm a big fan of the adding bacon to all foods trend. But even after the rest of the world is bored with bacon, I will still be eating it with everything. 'Cause I like bacon.
I'm above the influence of food trends. But I'm not going to be a snob about it.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Jay Sherman Speaks On My Behalf

Do you like Cinderella but wish it contained more murder?
Sunny Ella by Sally Zybert (hey, that's me!) is the classic story of Cinderella, if in the classic story Ella lost her mind after years of abuse.
The book has it all: a fairy godmother, a wicked stepmother, a handsome prince, singing mice, unnecessary surgery, stabbing and a Rapunzel vampire story thrown in for good measure.
Sunny Ella is inexpensive, not very long and took me three years to finish. I'm very proud of it. It is available for various e-readers and in classic book form. Links to all possible purchasing options can be found at www.combustoica.com.
My goal is for the book to become popular enough that Conan O'Brien will have me as a guest on his show. If it reaches Twilight-proportion popularity (you know, where people hate it without ever having read it), so much the better.
I love you.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Am Obsessed With This Song!

I don't think the video really lives up to the song, but it's better than nothing.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Possibly Not A Bright Idea

So this blog is basically the written equivalent of thinking out loud in a fangirly way. I may wake up tomorrow and be hideously embarrassed by what I've written. But we won't know that for sure until it's too late.
So here goes. As usual, the reason I can't sleep is because of my current fangirly obsession (they come and go in waves (or phases, if you prefer) and they all take turns, but usually when I'm a fan of something, I stay a fan forever. For example, my current obsession is someone I've been a fan of for about sixteen years.)
This month's topic of interest: Patrick McGoohan.
Okay, first of all, this is all speculation based on the various things I've read, a lot of which contained conflicting information. I'm basically writing all of this out because I was pondering so hard I couldn't fall asleep. My brain wanted me to get all this thought process gumbo out into the ether, so that's what I'm doing.
Today I saw online a blurb about an upcoming biography about Patrick McGoohan, but all the blurb said was, essentially, "Why didn't he ever do romantic scenes?" and the word "puritanical" was used.
Now, I reiterate, I wasn't there, I didn't know the guy, this is just how I see things:
I think people have taken the following three facts about Patrick McGoohan:
1) he was Catholic
2) he didn't like doing onscreen romance
3) he liked to keep his personal life private
and have combined them into one fact:
1) he was a nutjob
and I don't think that one fact is true. (Except on the level that I think Patrick McGoohan was a genius and on some level all geniuses are crazy. But I don't think he was crazy in the way everybody thinks he was.)
Honestly, I think people read way too much into the lack of onscreen romance thing. I think the only reason for it was that he wasn't comfortable with it. The end. So the guy didn't like making out with ladies who weren't his wife. I don't see what the big deal is.
And, yeah, I'd be lying if I said I don't have a crush on the guy. When Scott and Ivy first showed my family The Prisoner I was twelve, I'd never heard of Patrick McGoohan before and I pretty much fell in love with him immediately. It got to the point where I looked forward to Prisoner Night not only to see the next episode but to see him in it.
So, yeah, I kind of wish, for my own shallow fangirly reasons, that he had done more onscreen romance. I openly admit when I saw pictures of him being all swarthy and bearded in The Gypsy And The Gentleman it shot to the top of my Movies To Get list. (The fact that there are a couple kissing scenes in that movie helped, too.)
But I do think people blow the fact that he eventually decided to opt out of playing romantic leads way out of proportion. I think it was a creative choice or a comfort issue. (And it's not like he never did onscreen romance, it was just all near the beginning of his career and everybody ignores it so they can make him seem like a prudish wackjob or something.)
And, come on, "puritanical"? People act like he didn't know what sex was at all. He was married for, like, fifty years and had three kids. That's all I'm going to say about that.
The other thing my brain won't shut up about is the "who should get credit for creating The Prisoner?" drama that I've read about all over the place.
It's absolutely fair to say that George Markstein should get credit for coming up with the premise and being script supervisor and for playing the guy who gets resigned at in the opening sequence. But based on things I've read, Markstein wasn't happy with the show because McGoohan took over and turned it into what he wanted rather than what Markstein originally envisioned.
And I feel bad for George Markstein about that. I really do. However, if that hadn't happened the show wouldn't have been as good. It wouldn't be my favorite television show in the history of ever.
It's hard to figure out the proper way to word how I feel about this, but here goes:
Regardless of what anybody says, I think Patrick McGoohan cared about it more. I think The Prisoner became something that was so important to him that he usurped the concept, warped it to fit his own devices, took over practically everybody else's jobs (writing, directing, editing, running the camera, for all I know he fired all the gofers and brought everybody coffee himself ... okay, probably not that last one) and, according to legend, worked his way through several nervous breakdowns and nearly killed Leo McKern. That takes fucking conviction! I've never been that passionate about anything ever!
And the fact that he was that passionate about it ... dude, step aside and let him have it. I think he wanted it more.
That being said, I think Patrick McGoohan might have hated me a little bit if he met me, if for no other reason than I take everything that happens in The Prisoner at face value (also the fact that I'd probably be rendered speechless and would just stare at him with giant eyes and dropped jaw probably wouldn't help; it's probably a good thing I never had the chance to meet him). Even (especially?) the really weirdass, unexplainable stuff. He wanted it to be an allegory and I'm not smart enough to find meaning in things or draw my own conclusions, so I just go for the ride as it is. And I love every moment of it.
I'm obsessed with the show; the pennyfarthing was my first tattoo, I own four books about the series (and I know of at least two more I'm itching to get my hands on), which I read fairly often (one of them I read at least once a year; the coffee table book gets the least wear because it's poorly edited. A few paragraphs stop in the middle, never to be heard from again and some paragraphs shove their way into later paragraphs after they've already had their turn. Also, typos. But the pictures are great!), and I love hearing other people's theories about various episodes and the show as a whole. I'd rather listen to those theories (whether I agree with them or not) than talk about my own, though. Because I only have one theory:
1) Number Six is not John Drake.
I've clung to that theory since I was about fourteen (which was when I first found out that Patrick McGoohan had been the star of a spy series in the 1960s and that some people thought the character from that show was Number Six). And I originally clung to that theory because, well, I'd never seen Danger Man, I'd never even heard of Danger Man until now and I love The Prisoner, damn it! I don't love that other show! So he can't possibly be playing the same guy because I am a headstrong teenager.
Now I'm older and it turns out I actually do love Danger Man, but I still don't think Number Six is John Drake because if he were, McGoohan would've played them the same. And he didn't. I think John Drake is probably a nicer guy than Number Six. I'd go out to lunch with John Drake, but I think Number Six might shout at the waiter. Or punch him.
'Cause, much as McGoohan was quoted as saying that he hated violence and that The Prisoner was a pacifistic show and Number Six only fought when provoked, I'm not entirely buying it. I'm rewatching the series with Joanna right now (she's never seen it and I've never had the chance to show it to someone for the first time before; I'm really relishing the experience) and when he's stealing that boat in Free For All, Number Six totally throws the first punch. I'm just saying.
I love that there's a bunch of things in the show that I do not understand. I'll just keep on watching until I either become smarter and start to draw conclusions, or until I don't.
In other words, I'll just keep on watching.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Stupid Mouse. (Oh, Shut Up, It's Not The Mouse's Fault!)

Movies-wise I'm pretty hard to scare. That's not cockiness, it's just a fact. Even if I'm scared in the moment, as soon as the movie's over the fear goes away.
Right now I am awake after maybe four hours of sleep. My mouse was causing loud, metallic pounding on his cage that felt like it was right by my head. I'm a light sleeper, always have been, but general nighttime mousiness is something my brain has trained itself to ignore.
Not tonight (or, rather, this morning), though.
Insidious got me, people. It's all I dreamed about and, when that damn metallic pounding woke me up, I laid in bed for half an hour, too afraid to open my eyes. Logically I knew it was the mouse, but why did it sound like it was coming from right next to my head?!
So my mind was filled with images from the movie, conveniently inserted into my own life for my fear convenience.
What's funny was one of my dreams was me telling someone that Joe Bishara, who plays one of the (for lack of a better word) monsters in the movie (and wrote the music!), is a nice guy in life. Which is true. I've met him a few times and I like him quite a lot. I'm not sure why I haven't tried friending him on Facebook, actually.
But that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter one bit. I am up at six thirty in the morning because Insidious scared me. A lot.
Even after I saw The Collector and The Strangers (the last two movies I remember really scaring me) I still got a full night's sleep with unmemorable dreams (or, at least, no dreams where the logic part of my brain tried to calm down the scared part of my brain with talk of what actors are like as people).
I even watched an episode of Danger Man before going to sleep last night (and debated watching a second, but I really was tired) to distract me. Maybe I should've watched that second one after all. Don't know if it would've helped, but at least I'd have only gotten three hours of sleep.
Wait ... No, that's not helpful.
I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. I really, really liked Insidious. I loved it, in fact. James Wan is an amazing director, Leigh Whannell is a great writer (and his American accent is getting better). And I am up at six thirty, talking up a movie to epic proportions, practically guaranteeing that anybody who reads this and then sees Insidious will be bitterly disappointed.
Which is the opposite of my intentions. I want people to go see it and love it and be just as scared as I am.
It's worth it.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Have A New Theory About The Brontosaurus, And It Is Mine.

No, wait, not the brontosaurus. The Prisoner.
And for all I know it's an old theory that is someone else's, but I'd never heard it until I thought of it in the shower. So I'll just claim it's mine and worry about copyright infringement later.
My theory is in regards to The Schizoid Man:

Curtis is John Drake.

See, here's my reasoning:
1) He looks exactly like Number Six and Patrick McGoohan is on the record saying that Number Six is not John Drake, they just happen to look alike.
2) Drake had a lot of aliases on Danger Man; why shouldn't Curtis be one of them?
3) The whole business with his wife / girlfriend / fiance / female-companion-of-some-sort Susan is pretty easily explained, too. On Danger Man, John Drake never fools around with the scads of women who are pretty much throwing themselves at him. Which makes sense because he's an honorable gentleman and wouldn't take advantage. Especially if he was otherwise involved. We never really see his personal life on the show so it's not a stretch to imagine he did have a ladyfriend. He always says "No" when asked if he's married, but that could be a lie, to protect her or something. I wouldn't put it past him. (SPOILER: And when we find out she's dead, that's not terribly difficult to imagine either. It actually helps a bit with my fourth piece of reasoning.)
4) THIS ONE IS SPOILERY. I HAVE GIVEN YOU FAIR WARNING. At the end, when Curtis freaks out and Rover kills him is very un-John-Drakey. How do I explain that one? Easily. You see, Drake was more like Number Six than he acted / let on. He took the impersonation job as a favor to a friend, having no idea what the friend had become or that he was working for The Village. It's implied that all governments have a hand in The Village (that's how I see it, anyway) and when Drake takes the impersonation job and discovers not only that The Village exists but that he's been working for people who work for it (if he's anything like me, he'd notice the similarities between The Village and Colony 3), he becomes disillusioned (more disillusioned than he probably already was; there are episodes of Danger Man where he seems pretty fed up with his superiors). The more time he spends "being" Number Six, the more he sees Six's point of view and is rooting for the guy. Drake wants out of his own situation but, realizing resignation would wind him up in The Village permanently (just like his doppelganger) he decides to make the ultimate sacrifice, pretends to lose his cool and commits suicide by Rover. (The fact that Susan was dead and that nobody was waiting for him back home made this an easier choice to make.) Drake was also coolguy enough to realize that his own death would give Number Six a chance to escape. Too bad he didn't bother to tell him about Susan first.
So that is my theory and it is mine.
I think I'll go post it on the Wild Mass Guessing page of TV Tropes. (Yes, I do read and occasionally contribute to TV Tropes. Ain't nobody said I wasn't a nerd.)

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Sorry Carly Simon

But somebody does it better:



I'm not even a big Radiohead fan, but this this the best version of this song ever.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I May Have Posted This Before

I honestly don't remember. If it is a rerun, however, I don't apologize. Not even a little. Because I need this movie:



Bill Hicks was a hero. He was funny and smart and wonderful and I'm totally in love with him. You know, in a fangirly way. Because he's great.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Number Six Is Eighty Three

Or he would be, if he were still alive.
I had a hard time finding Youtube videos that felt like proper tributes, but I settled on a few.
First of all, a clip from an episode of Danger Man I watched just last night. I chose this one for two reasons. First of all, because I've been referring to him for years as "My Punching Hero" and this demonstrates why. Secondly, because this scene made me laugh out loud when I was watching the episode.



Second is bits of an interview or something about Lew Grade. Don't watch this one if you've never seen The Prisoner. I'm not kidding even a little. It spoils the ending. (The rest of the interview is neat, though, so I'm posting it. It's my blog, damn it!)



And, finally, ten minutes of various movie and television clips (which I haven't actually watched yet, it just sounded like fun).



If anybody knows where I can get a copy of the BBC Sunday Night Play episode "The Prisoner," (not the Danger Man episode "The Prisoner" nor the seventeen-episode my-favorite-television-series-ever The Prisoner ... I swear, it was like he was a prisoner of the title The Prisoner) I would be ever so grateful.
(Tangible copies are best; I prefer to have things on VHS and DVD. Things aren't real if I can't touch them. Downloads make my heart sad.)
Oh, and also I'd like to post a quote from an interview with Patrick McGoohan from The Official Prisoner Companion. The quote is an explanation on what the pennyfarthing symbol stood for, a paragraph which struck such a chord with me back when I was sixteen that I decided to get a tattoo of the pennyfarthing:

"We live in an era where science is advancing so quickly, you don't even have time to learn about the last innovations before something new arises; making what you've learned obsolete. It's the same with the newspapers. They're so busy cranking out information that before you get a chance to digest it, they're cramming something else down your throat! Everything is moving very fast, possibly too fast ... before its time."

Happy birthday Patrick McGoohan!!! You are, and forever will be, my hero (punching optional).

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Straight Teeth, Bad Parenting

The desired effect of the following commercial was "Look how much easier our product is for teenagers to deal with than braces."



The actual effect of the previous commercial was "Look how fucking horrible these girls' parents are."
Who plays favorites with their kids like that?! And who hates their twin sister that much? Aren't twins supposed to share some special bond that no other siblings have? What the hell went wrong in the womb to break that?
For those of you who didn't watch the commercial, it goes something like this:

First Identical Twin: I have braces.
Second Identical Twin: I don't.
First Identical Twin: I can't eat popcorn, but someone plopped this full bowl of popcorn in my lap anyway, just to remind me I can't eat any.
Second Idenical Twin: Oh, yeah, I told Mom to do that because we fucking hate you and want you to suffer.
First Identical Twin: I have to wear headgear.
Second Identical Twin: Haha! Loser!
First Identical Twin: Wait, why are you filming me?
Second Identical Twin: I'm gonna show it to that guy you like. Then I'm going to date him.
First Identical Twin: At least my teeth are getting straighter.
Second Identical Twin: Mine are, too, but our parents bought me some fancy product so nobody can tell. Could you not sit so close to me? Someone might realize we're related.

Then Second Identical Twin holds up a sign that says "Thanks, Mom!" (because the posterboard was too small to add "for loving me more than my lameass sister") and both girls smile at the camera.
The entire commercial makes me want to vomit on whoever wrote it, but the fact that they both smile at the camera really pisses me off. Braces Girl has nothing to smile about; her entire family obviously hates her. Seriously, look at the sadistic glee in the Invisalign Girl's eyes when she says "I love popcorn" and points out that she doesn't wear headgear. She's loving the fact that her sister is miserable.
I hope Braces Girl grows up psychopathic and mouth-tortures her parents, her sister and, for good measure, their orthodontist ('cause s/he didn't bother to raise any concerns about how playing favorites could mess with the girls' self esteem). I wonder if Invisalign would sponsor it if I decided to expand this commercial into a full-blown horror movie, using the ad as a jumping off point. (Probably not.)
On the other hand, because she's the only sympathetic character in the commercial, the ad is a failure. I'm really good at holding grudges against companies that make commercials I don't like (I'm looking at you, Apple!) and those thirty one seconds of misery have guaranteed that I will never, ever under any circumstances spend money on Invisalign Teen. Or Invisalign Other Ages.
And if my kids need to have their teeth straightened someday, they'll have braces. And when they ask me why, I'll tell them it's for solidarity with the girl whose parents only loved her twin sister.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

(Something In German!)

This is super catchy!



I have no idea what the heck he's singing about but I don't care. I could listen to it fifty times today.
Maybe it'll finally get that damn Olivia Newton-John song out of my head.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Tired Today

But these made me laugh:


see more So Much Pun

Also, this made me super happy:


see more So Much Pun

I don't even like that song!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Oh, Smokey Robinson, U So Awesome

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Hey Nonny Nonny Na Tra La La Fa La La La La La La

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Oh My God, So Much Better

So, you know how I said I can't stand to watch the Rocky Horror opening credits because, even though the song is wonderful, closeups of mouths make me nauseated?
Turns out the original concept for the opening credits was closer to this:



According to legend (AKA the info box on Youtube) test audiences reacted negatively to this one, so they changed to to Patricia Quinn's giant mouth, which I react negatively to.
Once again, I hate the practice of using test audiences. For many, many reasons. But this is one of them.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Unaccepted

Last month I applied to a music school to enroll in their vocal program. Last week I got phone calls and emails from the school's housing and financial aid departments, asking if I'd need help finding a place to live and giving me forms I needed to fill out for them to figure out how much financial aid I'd be getting and blah blah.
So I assumed I had been accepted to the school and started making plans accordingly.
Today I got a phone call telling me I hadn't been accepted because I have some "pitch issues" and because they couldn't tell what "style" I sing in. I was encouraged to take private lessons (when I told them I already do, he suggested I also take lessons with one of the school's teachers) and apply again for the fall semester.
I'm having mixed feelings about all of this.
ANNOYED: Why would the housing and financial aid offices be contacting me if I'm not accepted to the school?
RELIEVED: If I had been accepted, I'd only have a month to find an apartment and generally get my shit together before school started. It seemed too soon. Now I have some breathing room (in time form).
HURT: Okay, I know I'm not perfect (no singer is) but singing is the only thing in the world I feel like I'm any good at, and today I was essentially told "You're not good enough for us to even try to teach you."
Last time that happened (about ten years ago when I auditioned for a community college choir) I gave up on singing for years and went to culinary school (which was the wrong choice). It completely crushed me and I'm feeling a bit of that again.
Also, I've been taking private voice lessons. Are they, by proxy, telling me my voice teacher isn't good enough either? 'Cause my voice teacher is awesome.
Yeah, I'm feeling deflated. It really stings to be told you're not good enough at the one thing you have any confidence in your ability to do. I don't necessarily want to be told I'm wonderful or the best ever, because I'm not, but according to these people I'm not even acceptable. If that's the case, why should I even bother trying?
DISTASTE: "What style" do I sing in? I do what feels natural. Why do we have to put things into boxes and categories and labels and genres? Maybe I don't even want to go to this school if they're going to have that attitude.
DETERMINED: Fine, I'll just figure out a Plan B. I'll find my path in life without them. I know I can sing, now it's just a matter of figuring out how to use that to make a living without using school as a means to do it.
LIGHTER: I mean, heck, why did I even want to go back to school? The mere idea of student loan payments makes me feel stressed out and trapped. And I've always been bad at school (I just don't have the right kind of brain for it). Maybe this is a good thing after all.
HURT AGAIN: What if I'm not any good at singing? Maybe everybody who has complimented me was just being nice or biased because they're people who care about me? What if I suck?
Actually, sucking doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. I mean, hell, Christina Aguilera has a career and she has possibly the worst voice in the history of music.
I really hope my rejection doesn't mean I'm worse than Christina Aguilera.
RATIONAL: I wasn't out and out rejected. I was just told I need a little more work before the school is ready to accept me. I wasn't rejected, I was just told I'm not good enough.
Wait. That's the same thing as rejection. I guess that means I'm going to go back to feeling
HURT YET AGAIN.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I'm Running On About Three Hours Of Sleep

Here are some thoughts for the day.

- I'm bloody sick of people telling me I'm "missing out" when I tell them I don't watch Glee. I can tell from the previews that if I watched Glee, I would hate it.
First of all, I'm jealous that these people get to make their living singing and I don't.
Second of all, I've heard some of the songs from the show and I really don't like what I've heard.
Thirdly, Jane Lynch is cool but not cool enough to balance out the extreme irritant that is Leah Michelle.

- Patrick McGoohan was on an episode of The Adventures Of Sir Lancelot back in the day. His character was named Sir Glavin. That makes me giggle.

- Yesterday at the grocery story I found boxes of Strawberry Cream Twinkies and Chocolate Cream Twinkies. Yes, I bought them. Haven't tried the chocolate ones yet (I'm a bigger fan of chocolate so I'm saving the good ones for last) but the strawberry ones are acceptable.

- On December 22, 2012, the Ancient Mayans will all need to buy new calendars. (I never said all my thoughts were original ones.)

- It bugs me that all three books about The Prisoner that I own really like the episode Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darling (AKA the only bad episode of The Prisoner). It's a straightforward brain swap story, Patrick McGoohan isn't in it and the plot is stupid.
"Hey, we have this brain swap machine, but it only works one way. Let's put Number Six's brain in another guy and send him to fetch the scientist who can switch the brains back." (Interestingly, Futurama recently did a one-way brain-swap machine episode and it was really entertaining. What's that all about?)
That's right, The Village sent Number Six out to run a fucking errand for them. "Oh, we can't find the scientist guy." I'm not buying it. The Village is a giant, creepy, all-knowing organization. There's no way they couldn't find that scientist. Having Number Six go find him for them was essentially the same as The Village admitting defeat. "Okay, you're right, you are better than us." Kind of defeats the purpose of the show, doesn't it? Kind of?
And also, all that business with Number Six's fiance doesn't sit right with me, either. It's obvious in the opening sequence he's packing to go on holiday alone; this lady seems way too needy to let him go on vacation without her.
And I would imagine Number Six, if he were engaged to anyone at all, wouldn't be into Worriedface McBlandywhine.
And she only shows up in the episode because she sees his car parked out front. If she really existed (I've mentally Retconned the whole episode; it isn't canon as far as I'm concerned) she would have shown up in Many Happy Returns with her worried face, whining about her "darling" because she saw his car out front. It's implied Mrs. Butterworth had been driving the car for a while...
Long story short, I hate that episode. It's the only weak one in the series, but it's weak to almost epic proportions. (Everything The Prisoner did, it did to epic proportions.)
I understand the whole "How do we make an episode without the star?" dilemma (Patrick McGoohan was in Hollywood filming Ice Station Zebra at the time) but it's depressing that Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darling was the best they could come up with.

- I know I complain a lot about The Rocky Horror Picture Show and its awfulness. However, I can't write it off completely. Even if I get sick of all the other songs, there is one song that I will never, ever get sick of and that I actually count as one of the best songs ever written ever: Science Fiction Double Feature. It's just simple and beautiful and perfect for what it is, and it's really a shame that it's from Rocky Horror. It deserves better than that.

- It also deserves better than the opening sequence it goes with. I have this problem where I can't stand extreme close ups of mouths. I have no idea why but that sort of thing always makes me nauseous. I can eat while watching gore-tastic movies without any problem but, for example, there used to be a commercial for a local radio station that consisted of a close up of a woman's mouth lip synching a bunch of classic rock songs. That commercial made me unbelievably sick to my stomach. I'm so glad that station went out of business.

- It's noon. I should probably get dressed.

- My dad bought me the complete series of Danger Man (he's nice like that) and I really want to watch it, but every time I go to put the disc in the DVD player, I chicken out and watch Food Network instead. I have no idea why; I really really want to watch Danger Man. I think I'm afraid I won't like it. There's nothing about the show to imply I wouldn't (it combines two of my favorite things: secret agents and Patrick McGoohan) and yet I'm watching Sandra Lee make some sort of fried fish cake. What the heck is wrong with me?

- I should eat lunch after I get dressed.

- Last night I went karaoke-ing with my cousin, her boyfriend and his sister. We were there for four hours, it was epic and amazing and fun, and my voice is barely functional today. However, a lot of songs from Wicked were sung. I haven't seen Wicked and was unfamiliar with pretty much all the music from it. Turns out, I'm not a fan. I've had Defying Gravity stuck in my head all morning and I'm getting ready to smash something.
And I was super confused when I found out that song is the end of act one, 'cause it really sounds to me like the lead character dies at the end of that song.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Burly Men In Pastel Polo Shirts

Embedding was disabled (jerks) but I have to share this:
Bearforce1 Megamix!
It's so catchy!!!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Thanks, Nerdist!

The things I share with you today are all things shared with me (well, with anyone who goes there) by Nerdist.com.
First, we have a Firefly / Rodeohead fan video:



I've never seen Firefly (... that's not true, I've seen one episode) because the premise never really interested me and Joss Whedon kinda bugs me (yes, I am a fan of both Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel, but I also have a lot of serious issues with both shows). However, this video made me think I'd like to see Firefly after all.
Next, are links to "Fifty Four Cereals We Loved And Lost" and "Thom Yorke Dancing To Rodeohead".
And, finally, a video called Carlin Step:



Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Happen To Love Lady Gaga

I resisted for a long time, but Telephone finally got me. And now she has a new single out. Hooray!



I hope someday she releases DVDs of all her music videos. It would totally be worth having.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Insidious Trailer!

Hell yeah!
Don't let the whole "from the people who brought you Paranormal Activity" fool you; Insidious is going to be awesome!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Three Brief Thoughts On The Prisoner

SPOILERS so those of you who haven't seen it (HA! Like anyone reads this thing) stop reading right now, I am not even kidding a little. If you haven't seen the whole series, I don't want to be the one responsible for giving stuff away. SPOILERS, I say!

1) I don't buy into the whole "Number Six is John Drake" thing for several reasons. The main one is simply because I want them to be separate characters. And that's a good enough reason because the show leaves a lot open for interpretation. The second reason is because Patrick McGoohan said he isn't and, in spite of what George Markstein, ITC promotional materials and pulp novels based on the show said, I'm inclined to believe him because he is my favorite.
I'm a big fan of the not knowing who Number Six is and one of the many things about the remake I found royally stupid was that they gave him a name, and a lazy name, at that. Michael? Seriously? How long did it take you to come up with that gem? ... Sorry, sorry. I'm not really bitter, I swear. And I have nothing against the name Michael, but ... well, my friend Mike has a joke that goes: "Like most people, my name is Mike." That pretty much sums up my frustration. Of course, I hated Number Six in the remake ("Hey, you know that classic television character everybody loves because he's a hero? How about we make him smarmy and whiny and thoroughly impossible to care about?" "Brilliant!"), so what should I care if they put no effort into naming him? ... I'm getting off topic, aren't I?
Long story short (too late) I'm not terribly concerned about who Number Six is. I do have two theories:
One is that he really is Peter Smith. He wasn't lying to Mrs. Butterworth, he was just so used to not trusting people and not telling anybody his name (or anything else) that it sounded like he was making it up.
The other is that he's Patrick McGoohan, but an alternate universe Patrick McGoohan who became a spy instead of an actor. I base that one solely on the whole birthday thing.
I'm sure both of these theories have already been analyzed to death by fans I just haven't happened to meet. So, on to thought two (the next two are where the spoilers come in).

2) It's funny that the identity of Number One comes as a shock considering we've already seen an entire episode about Number Six having an evil (or, at the very least, a working-for-The-Village) doppelganger.
The Schizoid Man is one of my favorite episodes (and it confused the hell out of me the first time I saw it; I understood it a lot better the second time, after Scott explained to me that black jacket Number Six is our Number Six) but that didn't stop the face under the monkey mask from blowing my little twelve year old mind.
Fifteen years later it's still a freaky and impressive scene, and it didn't occur to me until just this morning that we've seen it before in the series (just with way less crazy and over a longer period of time).

3) Another theory I'm sure has already been discussed in conversations not had by me:
Number Six escaped The Village in the sense that he got back to London, but didn't escape in the sense that he brought The Village with him.
Literally, in the sense that he brought The Butler home with him, but there's also the whole figurative thing. He was there for more than a year, I don't care how much he resisted and fought, he's going to have enough of The Village left in him to mess with how he lives the rest of his life in Not The Village.
And, also, apparently doors open by themselves now. Not that he was around to notice.
In one of my books about The Prisoner it mentions something about the door to his house in London opening by itself at the end of the series and that "He makes no notice and even seems to expect it," or something along those lines.
No, book, he doesn't. You know why? He isn't there! He already drove away! He didn't see the door open at all! The Butler seemed to expect it to open for him, but he's The Butler. For all we know he'd never been outside The Village ever, in which case he wouldn't know doors to work any other way.
Or maybe The Butler is the force that makes the doors open by themselves. Maybe everything within a mile or so radius of The Butler happens automatically. He's a magic butler (or Magneto or something), which helps him do his job more easily.
The Butler: secret wizard among the muggles of The Village. Awesome!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

On A Completely Unrelated Note

Merry monsters!



Why can't we have commercials like this in the United States? Who doesn't love a mummy rushing to bandage a kid's leg?
On the other hand, it's an ad for a company I personally hate because they lied to me and tried to bilk me out of almost two hundred dollars.
They told me if I put my cable "on hold" for six months the account would still technically be "active" and then I wouldn't have to pay their ridiculous "you didn't keep our cable for a year so we're charging you extra to cancel it" fee. So I put my cable on hold for six months. After which, when I called to cancel it completely (after having been reassured that this would surely count as me having cable for a year), they told me I needed to pay their ridiculous you didn't keep our cable for a year so we're charging you extra fee. I told them that six months before one of their telephone representatives told me that having cable on hold for six months counted as having cable for six months and I would pay no such fee. They kept billing me until I sent them multiple emails telling them they were liars and I hated them. Then they left me alone, billwise, although every once in a while I do get mail from them trying to get me to subscribe to their cable again.
No dice, DirecTV. I don't care how many awesome movie monsters you put in your foreign commercials. You're still liars, I still hate you and I will not even consider you next time I have to pick a cable provider. Thbbbth.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

My Smooching Hero?

It's pretty well known that Patrick McGoohan wasn't comfortable playing romantic scenes in movies and television. He turned down the role of James Bond (twice!) in part because he wasn't comfortable with all the sex, and rumor has it that during a scene in The Chimes Of Big Ben when Numbers Six and Eight are walking with their arms around each other so Number Two won't suspect them of planning an escape, standing in for Number Eight was McGoohan's daughter in a wig. (I don't know if that one's true but I heard it somewhere once and therefore it belongs on the internet. I also heard once that one of the other reasons he turned down James Bond was because Bond used too many guns and gadgets and didn't punch people enough. I really hope that one's true.)
However, back in the day when he wasn't famous enough to be morally opposed to things, Patrick McGoohan did some scenes that, given his reputation, I was pretty surprised to see on Youtube.
There was a damn-near rape scene in High Tide At Noon (seriously, I didn't know they could get away with that sort of thing in movies in the '50s):



And at least two scenes of general swarthiness in The Gypsy And The Gentleman:





I can't tell what anybody's saying in those last two clips. The sound's kinda bad.
There's no real point to this post, I just found these videos and wanted to share them with the world.
Golly, I love that McGoohMan.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

My Punching Hero

I adore Patrick McGoohan. He's just one of those people who, in my fangirl mind, is brilliant and beautiful and I'm deliberately blind to any faults he may have had because he is a hero.
Or something. I don't think I'm expressing myself very well. I have a headache. Patrick McGoohan is wonderful. I love listening to him talk. And don't watch the next video it you haven't seen all of The Prisoner. It gives away some important stuff.



I think this one's okay, though. (Didn't finish it; I have to go be a chauffer now.)



Be seeing you.
-Sally

PoorZacEphron!

What I'm about to say, I say with absolutely no irony:



This song rocks, in an early-2000s boy band kind of way.
I've never seen any of the High School Musical movies, but Winter showed me this video last night when she was telling me about all of the not very subtle gay subtext Disney let them get away with (she actually referenced the line in this song "Put the balls in my hand, this time it's man to man").
And, yeah, it's about as subtle as a train wreck, but other than the quiet boring part at the beginning and the cheesy Home Alone scream at the end, I really like this song. It reminds me of how every boy band always had one good song.
If High School Musical was a boy band, this would be their one good song.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

We Came, We Saw, We Kicked Its Ass!

My new favorite song for the day:



Any time The Prisoner is included in a kickass remix, it's guaranteed to make me smile.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Wish I Could Remember The Line From The Movie To Use As The Subject Line

There's an incredible movie called Ink:



I only watched it once because it was emotionally draining; I cried through the whole thing. But this may be the only time I recommend a movie not only in spite of but possibly because of that.



It's impossible to describe or explain, but it's beautiful and moving and I want everybody to see it.



Ordinarily I don't like dramas but sometimes, and especially in Ink's case, it's worth it.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Fuck Your Mitsubishi, I've A Horse Outside

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Dream Casting (The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

It's no secret that I kind of hate The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I say "kind of" because I love about half of the soundtrack. But if I never hear The Time Warp again, it'll be too fucking soon.
Anyway, I think it's kind of awesome that they're remaking it. I don't know why; maybe I just think it's funny in a "mean to the fans" sort of way. I never said I was a nice person.
At any rate, I like the idea of a remake and I was just thinking about what it would be like if I were to cast it myself. First of all, I'd only cast musicians and second of all, most of them would be musicians I like.
Hell, if I were allowed to cast the remake, it might actually turn me into a Rocky Horror fan.

Brad Majors - Josh Groban
Columbia - Britney Spears
Dr. Frank-N-Furter - Mike Patton (failing that, just have Anthony Stewart Head reprise the role)
Dr. Scott - Bill Moseley (yes, he's primarily an actor, but not only did he have a pretty big role in Repo! The Genetic Opera but he's been in two bands: Cornbugs and Spider Mountain BBQ)
Eddie - Christian Kane or Voltaire (depending on which way you want to go with it; I actually prefer Christian Kane because, thanks to Angel, he comes with his own cannibalism joke: just replace "Meat Loaf" with "McDonalds")
Janet Weiss - Sarah McLachlan
Magenta - Amanda Palmer (I dare you to come up with a better choice)
Riff Raff - Alice Cooper
Rocky Horror - Eugene Hutz
The Criminologist (I had to look his name up; I was just going to call him "Narrator Guy") - John Flansburgh

Be seeing you.
-Sally

What Happened To Mike Patton's Hair?!

Oh well, it's still an awesome cover.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Sun Goes Down, I'm Just Getting Up

Somebody recreated the Girls Of Rock 'N Roll scene from The Chipmunk Adventure in live action. I can't decide if it's awesome or not.



I'm leaning towards "Awesome," but something about it makes me kind of depressed.
Maybe I'm just sad that they'll never be able to recreate Gettin' Lucky; its really hard to find snakes that big who know how to dance:



Best song ever.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Dozing Over Rows Of Whiskey Sours

I know a lot of people hate Barry Manilow, but I can't. Even if I wanted to, it's just not possible. First of all, I don't care what anybody says, I genuinely like the song Mandy (and I hope the urban legend that it's about a dog is true). He also used to write commercial jingles, a wholly underrated genre of music.
More than that, even if Mandy and the commercial jingles didn't exist, ol' Barry has an ace in the hole; the only other song by him I know is A Nice Boy Like Me:



Hell yeah! That song is Da Shizzle.
And, if you don't like the way Mister Manilow sings it, maybe you'll like the first performance of it I ever heard/saw, by Sandy Duncan on The Muppet Show:



Nobody can convince me that doesn't rock.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Russian Winnie The Pooh

Oh my god, this is painfully cute!



My favorite part is the song he sings at the beginning. I could watch that all day.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Haven't Posted Any Leverage Videos In A While

So here are some:









Yay, Leverage!

Be seeing you.
-Sally