Do you ever make a point and then part of your brain starts playing devil's advocate and then you start getting into a silent argument with yourself? (I really hope that's a thing everyone does.)
Part of my brain is trying to make me feel disgraced that I picked apart and ridiculed a popular feminist slogan.
Now, here's the thing: I love the fact that I have rights. I really do. Thrilled with it, in fact. I like that I'm allowed to make my own choices about things. I'm glad I live in an era where I'm not considered property and if a man pisses me off I can tell him to go to hell without being sentenced to death.
However, I feel as thought feminism has mutated from the Women's Sufferage of the early 1900s to weird Female Superiority nonsense that pisses me off. In fact, the idea that either gender is superior is such total bullshit that I don't understand how people can still believe it's true (of men or women).
So a lot of feminist slogans really piss me off. I'm not better than any man. I'm not worse than any man, either. Yes, I consider myself a strong woman, but that doesn't mean I need to go marching around acting superior. Yes, women carry children and give birth, but we can't make the babies by ourselves.
I'm an equalist, not a feminist. I fucking hate feminists.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I Ought To Change My Name To Complainypants Magoo
First of all, I'd like to address something that has bugged me for a very long time. There is a popular bumper sticker that says "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in heels." Which seems pretty cool until you think about it for longer than two seconds.
1) Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire did not always dance together. In fact, I bet if you added up all the times each of them danced alone or with other people, it would far outnumber the amount of times they danced together. So there's no way she did even close to "everything Fred Astaire did."
2) None of what Ginger Rogers did seemed backwards to her. She didn't dance by watching her dance partner and then trying to mirror it, she just learned her part.
So basically what the sticker is saying is: "Ginger Rogers knew how to dance in high heels." Which is impressive in its own right. It's certainly more than I can do. But it isn't a feminist statement. It's really just praising Ginger Rogers. Which is fine, I'm all for that. Ginger Rogers is (was?) a talented lady. I like her a lot.
You know what I don't like? Bullshit made up words like guesstimate, prettyful, al deska, brainfreeze, swapportunity, irregardless, meltilicious, staycation and bromance. Most (possibly all) of those words come from advertisements.
Today I'd like to talk to you about brainfreeze. ... Actually, no, I guess this is more about school. But it stems from brainfreeze.
You see, few people realize it now, but the term "brainfreeze" was invented by 7-Eleven to sell Slurpees. It first appeared in the 1990s, in a commercial where a guy sips a Slurpee, screams loudly for thirty second and then says. "Huh. Brainfreeze."
I've always fucking hated that ad.
It came out when I was in fifth grade, I think (so I was probably about ten) and I have vivid memories of yelling at fellow students who said "brainfreeze." I'd correct them, telling them the proper term is "ice cream headache" and I'd add that they were idiots for drawing their vocabulary from television commercials. (I realize now that's a pretty hypocritical argument coming from a chick who says "d'oh" but at least The Simpsons has artistic integrity.)
The point is, I'm kind of a bitch. Less so now, I guess, because I try to keep my mouth shut about these things more often than I did when I was a kid, but I do hit that boiling point sometimes and have to fire off an angry internet post.
Another example of my bitchitude happened when I was in third grade:
CLASSMATE: (setting up a joke) What does Batman's mom say when she calls him for dinner?
ME: (being an eight year old bitch) Nothing. She's dead. That's why he's Batman.
Junior high school was the place where I realized some people are far bitchier than me, and they hated me because ... I don't know. They just did. I hated them back, so I guess it was okay. But I wouldn't have hated them (or known they even existed) if they hadn't hated me first.
I don't wear makeup very often. I'll put on a little bit if I'm going somewhere fancy, but I feel like it's a waste of time to put it on every damn day, especially if I'm not leaving the house or only going to hang out with friends or run errands or something. Makeup is for nights out on the town (comedy shows, plays, some concerts, and probably dates but I've never been on one of those).
Back in junior high, the girls who thought I was fun to pick on seemed to think the fact that I didn't wear makeup was a huge goddamn deal. They gave me a hard time about it every day. So one day I came to school with huge streaks of green eyeshadow on my eyelids, trying to show them how ridiculous I thought wearing makeup to school was. They just made fun of me for putting it on badly. I guess I should have used the eyelinier to spell "IT'S UGLY ON PURPOSE" across my face.
I think that was the same year one of the many teachers to give me the "You're So Smart, Why Don't You Apply Yourself?" speech (answer: because I don't care) tacked on a "Why Do You Try To Alienate Your Peers?" addendum (answer: because they suck and I hate them).
The point is ... I don't know what the point is. Yesterday I was thinking about commercials I really hated, which reminded me of these stories of being in school. There's no point to any of it.
Except that my train of thought has an odd route and inconvenient loading stations. But I suspect that's true of everybody.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
1) Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire did not always dance together. In fact, I bet if you added up all the times each of them danced alone or with other people, it would far outnumber the amount of times they danced together. So there's no way she did even close to "everything Fred Astaire did."
2) None of what Ginger Rogers did seemed backwards to her. She didn't dance by watching her dance partner and then trying to mirror it, she just learned her part.
So basically what the sticker is saying is: "Ginger Rogers knew how to dance in high heels." Which is impressive in its own right. It's certainly more than I can do. But it isn't a feminist statement. It's really just praising Ginger Rogers. Which is fine, I'm all for that. Ginger Rogers is (was?) a talented lady. I like her a lot.
You know what I don't like? Bullshit made up words like guesstimate, prettyful, al deska, brainfreeze, swapportunity, irregardless, meltilicious, staycation and bromance. Most (possibly all) of those words come from advertisements.
Today I'd like to talk to you about brainfreeze. ... Actually, no, I guess this is more about school. But it stems from brainfreeze.
You see, few people realize it now, but the term "brainfreeze" was invented by 7-Eleven to sell Slurpees. It first appeared in the 1990s, in a commercial where a guy sips a Slurpee, screams loudly for thirty second and then says. "Huh. Brainfreeze."
I've always fucking hated that ad.
It came out when I was in fifth grade, I think (so I was probably about ten) and I have vivid memories of yelling at fellow students who said "brainfreeze." I'd correct them, telling them the proper term is "ice cream headache" and I'd add that they were idiots for drawing their vocabulary from television commercials. (I realize now that's a pretty hypocritical argument coming from a chick who says "d'oh" but at least The Simpsons has artistic integrity.)
The point is, I'm kind of a bitch. Less so now, I guess, because I try to keep my mouth shut about these things more often than I did when I was a kid, but I do hit that boiling point sometimes and have to fire off an angry internet post.
Another example of my bitchitude happened when I was in third grade:
CLASSMATE: (setting up a joke) What does Batman's mom say when she calls him for dinner?
ME: (being an eight year old bitch) Nothing. She's dead. That's why he's Batman.
Junior high school was the place where I realized some people are far bitchier than me, and they hated me because ... I don't know. They just did. I hated them back, so I guess it was okay. But I wouldn't have hated them (or known they even existed) if they hadn't hated me first.
I don't wear makeup very often. I'll put on a little bit if I'm going somewhere fancy, but I feel like it's a waste of time to put it on every damn day, especially if I'm not leaving the house or only going to hang out with friends or run errands or something. Makeup is for nights out on the town (comedy shows, plays, some concerts, and probably dates but I've never been on one of those).
Back in junior high, the girls who thought I was fun to pick on seemed to think the fact that I didn't wear makeup was a huge goddamn deal. They gave me a hard time about it every day. So one day I came to school with huge streaks of green eyeshadow on my eyelids, trying to show them how ridiculous I thought wearing makeup to school was. They just made fun of me for putting it on badly. I guess I should have used the eyelinier to spell "IT'S UGLY ON PURPOSE" across my face.
I think that was the same year one of the many teachers to give me the "You're So Smart, Why Don't You Apply Yourself?" speech (answer: because I don't care) tacked on a "Why Do You Try To Alienate Your Peers?" addendum (answer: because they suck and I hate them).
The point is ... I don't know what the point is. Yesterday I was thinking about commercials I really hated, which reminded me of these stories of being in school. There's no point to any of it.
Except that my train of thought has an odd route and inconvenient loading stations. But I suspect that's true of everybody.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
Thursday, January 26, 2012
There's A Guy Who's Been Awake Since The Second World War
The more I think about it, the more I realize I hate sleep.
First of all, I've always been a light sleeper. I'm ridiculously easy to wake up. What's the point of sleeping if you can't sleep well? That's complaint number one.
More than that, though, I've always kind of felt like it's a waste of time. Yes, I know sleep is necessary for one's body to rest and process everything it's been through since the last time it slept. It's a sort of regeneration thing. I understand that. But it takes too long and, other than the occasional odd dreams (which I do love) it's boring. "I'm going to lie down and close my eyes and ignore the world for several hours."
I feel like every minute spent asleep is a minute where I'm missing something. Yes, I have no life and yes, I'm always missing pretty much everything because of it. Although even if I did have a life and was always doing things, I can't be everywhere at once. That's another thing that's sad about life: no matter where you are, what you're doing and how much fun you're having, somewhere in the world there's something you're missing that is either more important or that you would be enjoying more.
And since that's already true, why should I have to make it worse by not only missing those things, but sleeping through opportunities to make up for the fact that I'm missing awesome things?!?
I need to train my body to not need sleep. Not entirely, I guess, but to only need, like, two hours of sleep a day. I would be okay with that. I've already got insomnia so I don't fall alseep 'til three (at the earliest) and I hate sleeping past nine. So that's six hours on an ideal night. I could get by on six hours of sleep every day, although six hours seems like a really long time.
Seriously. If someone locked you in a room with nothing but a bed and said they'd let you out again in six hours, you'd probably be mad.
That's kind of how I feel about sleeping.
Too bad I also hate being overtired. Basically, I can't win.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
First of all, I've always been a light sleeper. I'm ridiculously easy to wake up. What's the point of sleeping if you can't sleep well? That's complaint number one.
More than that, though, I've always kind of felt like it's a waste of time. Yes, I know sleep is necessary for one's body to rest and process everything it's been through since the last time it slept. It's a sort of regeneration thing. I understand that. But it takes too long and, other than the occasional odd dreams (which I do love) it's boring. "I'm going to lie down and close my eyes and ignore the world for several hours."
I feel like every minute spent asleep is a minute where I'm missing something. Yes, I have no life and yes, I'm always missing pretty much everything because of it. Although even if I did have a life and was always doing things, I can't be everywhere at once. That's another thing that's sad about life: no matter where you are, what you're doing and how much fun you're having, somewhere in the world there's something you're missing that is either more important or that you would be enjoying more.
And since that's already true, why should I have to make it worse by not only missing those things, but sleeping through opportunities to make up for the fact that I'm missing awesome things?!?
I need to train my body to not need sleep. Not entirely, I guess, but to only need, like, two hours of sleep a day. I would be okay with that. I've already got insomnia so I don't fall alseep 'til three (at the earliest) and I hate sleeping past nine. So that's six hours on an ideal night. I could get by on six hours of sleep every day, although six hours seems like a really long time.
Seriously. If someone locked you in a room with nothing but a bed and said they'd let you out again in six hours, you'd probably be mad.
That's kind of how I feel about sleeping.
Too bad I also hate being overtired. Basically, I can't win.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
Talking To Myself
I have a friend who is fangirly about a lot of things and is very involved with various internet fan websites, discussions and fan fiction (especially the kind where male characters are in love with each other). And I hold none of that against her; it's not my kind of thing but it makes her happy. I'm just as big a fangirl about things as she is, I just express it differently.
What I do have a problem with is the fact that she refers to these internet communities as "fandom." That implies that fandom only consists of the people in these communities.
Everything in the world that can have fans, does. Everything. And everyone in the world is a fan of something. Therefore, the word "fandom" basically means "everybody in the world" but she doesn't use it that way. When she says it, she's only talking about the people in her internet communities and that kind of offends me. Just because I'm not involved in message boards and turning everybody gay doesn't make me not a fan.
To be perfectly honest, I don't really enjoy fan communities because (and this could just be my skewed perception) I feel like a lot of people try to turn it into a contest. Everyone seems to be convinced that they are the biggest fan and they're out to prove it. That's an attitude I first noticed at Mike Patton concerts and it seems fairly prominent on the internet. I'm not out to prove anything, I just love the things I love. And I've discovered I don't have much to say about the things I'm a fan of beyond "I love it, it's great," unless I'm talking about specific details (particular songs or episodes of a TV show, for instance).
But that's what my friends and this blog are for. I can tell my friends my ideas or write about them on this blog. Most of my friends don't like many of the same things I do and nobody reads this blog, so I'm essentially talking to myself (which is kind of lonely) but I don't have to worry about whether I win at loving a band or a movie or a television show.
(I should point out that I have encountered other fans online who really do just want to share their love of things with other people, no ego or competition involved. I like those people. Too bad I haven't encountered more of them.)
This is the problem with the internet: It perpetuates the already rampant misconception everybody has that they are the center of the universe. It's the problem that comes with being alive and never getting any time away from yourself: you tend to think you matter most. I'm guilty of it and you are too (and don't try to pretend like you're not; one of the symptoms of thinking you're the center of the universe is an "I'm not like that!" response to anything that sounds remotely negative).
The point is, the internet has made everybody all the more self centered. Facebook is a place where people go to assume everybody else cares what they have to say. Same goes for Twitter, any other "social network" websites I've missed, blogs and personal websites. Everybody has a voice on the internet, and everybody assumes their voice means something.
It doesn't. We're talking to nobody. Because we're not the center of the universe and nobody but ourselves care what we have to say.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
What I do have a problem with is the fact that she refers to these internet communities as "fandom." That implies that fandom only consists of the people in these communities.
Everything in the world that can have fans, does. Everything. And everyone in the world is a fan of something. Therefore, the word "fandom" basically means "everybody in the world" but she doesn't use it that way. When she says it, she's only talking about the people in her internet communities and that kind of offends me. Just because I'm not involved in message boards and turning everybody gay doesn't make me not a fan.
To be perfectly honest, I don't really enjoy fan communities because (and this could just be my skewed perception) I feel like a lot of people try to turn it into a contest. Everyone seems to be convinced that they are the biggest fan and they're out to prove it. That's an attitude I first noticed at Mike Patton concerts and it seems fairly prominent on the internet. I'm not out to prove anything, I just love the things I love. And I've discovered I don't have much to say about the things I'm a fan of beyond "I love it, it's great," unless I'm talking about specific details (particular songs or episodes of a TV show, for instance).
But that's what my friends and this blog are for. I can tell my friends my ideas or write about them on this blog. Most of my friends don't like many of the same things I do and nobody reads this blog, so I'm essentially talking to myself (which is kind of lonely) but I don't have to worry about whether I win at loving a band or a movie or a television show.
(I should point out that I have encountered other fans online who really do just want to share their love of things with other people, no ego or competition involved. I like those people. Too bad I haven't encountered more of them.)
This is the problem with the internet: It perpetuates the already rampant misconception everybody has that they are the center of the universe. It's the problem that comes with being alive and never getting any time away from yourself: you tend to think you matter most. I'm guilty of it and you are too (and don't try to pretend like you're not; one of the symptoms of thinking you're the center of the universe is an "I'm not like that!" response to anything that sounds remotely negative).
The point is, the internet has made everybody all the more self centered. Facebook is a place where people go to assume everybody else cares what they have to say. Same goes for Twitter, any other "social network" websites I've missed, blogs and personal websites. Everybody has a voice on the internet, and everybody assumes their voice means something.
It doesn't. We're talking to nobody. Because we're not the center of the universe and nobody but ourselves care what we have to say.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The Egg McMuffin Of Blog Posts
This blog seems to be becoming the place where I complain about horrible commercials. Here's one for you:
Okay, yes, the entire premise is stupid. Referring to anything as the "Egg McMuffin" of anything in a way that is supposed to mean anything better than "okay if it's the only option" is ridiculous.
But that's not what I take offense at.
What elevates this ad to the point that raises my blood pressure enough for me to take to the internet in a rage is the first scenario, where a guy tells his girlfriend he loves her and his girlfriend clearly stalls before telling him "I think you're the Egg McMuffin of boyfriends."
Not only does it not fit in with the rest of the premise of the commercial (where everyone else is using that phrase to mean "ultimate in its field;" this girl seems to be the only one who's using my "okay when it's the only option" definition), but holy fancy god, what a wretched bitch! Who responds to "I love you" with *obvious pause that indicates a lack of returned love* "You're like breakfast from McDonalds."
What's worse is the guy smiles, like she's just complimented him. She just called you cheap and mediocre, dude! Dump her ass and find a girlfriend who doesn't suck!
... On the other hand, you were dumb enough to fall for it. Nevermind. I take it back. Stay with her. You two can have your own sitcom:
Stupid And The Bitch, this fall on NBC!
Be seeing you.
-Sally
Okay, yes, the entire premise is stupid. Referring to anything as the "Egg McMuffin" of anything in a way that is supposed to mean anything better than "okay if it's the only option" is ridiculous.
But that's not what I take offense at.
What elevates this ad to the point that raises my blood pressure enough for me to take to the internet in a rage is the first scenario, where a guy tells his girlfriend he loves her and his girlfriend clearly stalls before telling him "I think you're the Egg McMuffin of boyfriends."
Not only does it not fit in with the rest of the premise of the commercial (where everyone else is using that phrase to mean "ultimate in its field;" this girl seems to be the only one who's using my "okay when it's the only option" definition), but holy fancy god, what a wretched bitch! Who responds to "I love you" with *obvious pause that indicates a lack of returned love* "You're like breakfast from McDonalds."
What's worse is the guy smiles, like she's just complimented him. She just called you cheap and mediocre, dude! Dump her ass and find a girlfriend who doesn't suck!
... On the other hand, you were dumb enough to fall for it. Nevermind. I take it back. Stay with her. You two can have your own sitcom:
Stupid And The Bitch, this fall on NBC!
Be seeing you.
-Sally
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