Cartoon Characters I've Had Crushes On

I tried to put them in chronological order but my childhood is such a blur (I seem to think everything happened when I was six) that I could be wrong about some of it. I realized as I was gathering pictures that I don't have a lot, or really anything, to say about most of these people / anthropomorphic animals / video game robo-men that I don't know how interesting this blog entry will end up being. But here goes.

 Robin Hood

Mega Man - Technically a video game character and not a cartoon character, but he was animated and I had a crush on him when I was little, so I'm going to allow it.

Raphael - was my favorite Ninja Turtle for a long time until I realized

Donatello - was the smart one and I decided I liked him better instead. (I may have had a thing for Michaelangelo for a while, too. But not Leonardo. Never Leonardo.)

Roger Rabbit - One of only two characters on this list I'm actually embarrassed about.

Bart Simpson - The other one. I'm actually way more embarrassed by this one. Especially since I'm pretty sure I hadn't even started watching The Simpsons yet at the time; we had The Simpsons Sing The Blues and I really liked the song Do The Bartman, and I think that was the whole basis for this crush. Lame.

Daffy Duck

Eeyore - Probably more proof that I have a thing for deep voices and mellow (and melancholy?) dudes more than anything else.

Beast - But not Prince Adam. Never Prince Adam. (I guess the whole "don't judge someone based on their looks" message of the movie was lost on me because the second he turns into an ugmo human, I don't like the character anymore.)

Wakko Warner - Even now if you asked me which of the Warner brothers I liked better, I'd never be able to answer you. But Wakko was my favorite first.

Yakko Warner - Wakko was only my favorite for a while, though. Yakko is just too awesome to ignore. And he's voiced by Rob Paulsen, my favorite voice actor on the planet. (Not that I don't love Jess Harnell, too ... Dang it, I'll never chose one over the other. Not really.)

Mr. Bergstrom

 Clopin - I carry an old Burger King toy of him around in my car. Hunchback is my favorite Disney movie for many reasons and Clopin is a major one.

Dr. Zoidberg - Mostly just his voice, actually.

Philip Fry

Pickles - The drummer. Doodily doo. Ding dong doodily doodily doo.

Charles Ofdensen

Flint Lockwood

Be seeing you.

-Sally

Tattoos I Have Considered Getting

I don't know if it's possible for this list to ever be complete; I've had a lot of fleeting tattoo ideas. I'm not sure if I remember all of them. These are the ones I recall. Some of them I have actually gone ahead and gotten. Some of them I will get someday (sooner or later). Some of them I don't want anymore. But I considered getting them. And that's the whole point.

Beanish - from Beanworld; I am still planning on getting him
bride from Haunted Mansion - I have a very love / terror relationship with the bride in the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland, although I did like her a lot better before they made her all stupid and chatty; anyway if I manage to find an artist who can draw me the bride (the old one that I like and am scared of) in a manner I like, I may still get this one
Chinese symbol for "cliche" - I saw a comedian once (I can't remember who) who made a joke about getting this tattoo and I thought it was pretty funny and have thought about getting it but I don't think I actually would. As is always the problem with getting a Chinese symbol, how would I know if it actually meant what I wanted it to?
Conan O'Brien drawing - there's a simple characature of Conan that is, I believe, from back on his Late Night days. When all that NBC Tonight Show bullshit happened, I considered getting a tattoo of it. I still support Conan but I don't want the tattoo anymore.
Count Chocula - I am obsessed with monsters, classic advertising and sugary cereal. It seemed like a pretty obvious choice. Last year I bought two boxes of Count Chocula and never ate the second one. I guess I don't like it as much as I think I do.
Dethklok - self-explanatory. I wanted to just get Pickles at first, but I love Metalocalypse too much to play favorites with the band members.
"Don't Panic" - if I were ever to get knuckle tattoos, this is what they'd say.
42 - I got this one. It is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything.
Freddy Krueger glove - I am definitely getting this one someday. I want to get Freddy's glove grabbing my leg and maybe a little blood dripping from the blades (no "torn flesh," though; I hate tattoos like that) and red and green stripes down my leg from the bottom of the glove to my ankle, sort of like Freddy's arm has melded with my leg. Bitchin'.
GeneCo logo with barcode - I'm a big fan of Repo! The Genetic Opera (duh) and a GeneCo logo was a no-brainer. The barcode I picked to go under the logo (rather than the barcode on the logo I printed out) is from The Very Last Songs I Will Ever Record (Part One) by Mike Phirman. There is a reason for that, which I will explain later.
Gogol Bordello slingshot - specifically the one from Trans-Continental Hustle, with the flames behind it and the banner underneath that says "Familia Undestructable". I had the flames filled in purple but my arm is tan and the purple is dark, so it's kind of hard to tell.
Gonzo - as in the Muppet. There are quite a few Muppets I love, though, so I may or may not change my mind and get Rowlf or Dr. Teeth instead.
Hard 'N Phirm logo - I became a Hard 'N Phirm fan eight years ago and for a while there (possibly still, I don't know) I was dubbed HnP's biggest fan by Chris and Mike themselves. At one point I told them I was considering getting a Hard 'N Phirm tattoo but, seeing as I was an acquaintence / friend of theirs by then, I didn't want to weird them out. So I asked their permission. Mike told me he was fine with it but I never heard back from Chris. (And that is why the bar code from Mike's album will be the bar code on my GeneCo tattoo. Even though Mike has nothing to do with Repo! whatsoever.)
Ipecac Recordings logo - the second tattoo I ever got. I wanted a Mike Patton themed tattoo but couldn't bring myself to play favorites with his bands. I figured his record label was pretty all-encompassing.
"I Will Not Be Pushed, Filed, Stamped, Indexed, Briefed, Debriefed or Numbered" - possibly the greatest quote from definitely the greatest television show ever made
Kilroy - my mom drew him for me; he's how she signs her name. I'm very close to my mom. She told me once if she were ever to get a tattoo, she'd get a Kilroy, but that she'd also never get one. So I got him for her.
Mike Patton's autograph - my friend Amanda has Jane Austen's and Eleanor Roosevelt's signatures tattooed on her feet. I've been considering stealing that idea from her, but replacing my own heroes with hers. Mike Patton is one of them.
music armband - I've always liked the idea of getting an armband of a few bars of a song I love. But that would involve picking just one song and that's where I run into trouble.
my kids' names - clearly I can't get these until I have children, but I am definitely getting them.
pennyfarthing bicycle symbol from The Prisoner - my first tattoo. When I was sixteen I got a book about The Prisoner that had a passage where Patrick McGoohan explained what the pennyfarthing was supposed to symbolize. I felt so deeply moved and connected to the explanation I knew I needed a tattoo of it. Which is saying kind of a lot because before that day I had never wanted a tattoo.
pi armband - I'm not very good at math, but I do know one hundred eightysomething digits of pi, thanks to a Hard 'N Phirm song. This would be my stealth HnP tattoo, if I were to get it. But I'm not really a math nerd and there's too much opportunity for accidental digit skipping.
pig - a lot of people ask me if my pig tattoo is of Babe or Wilbur or a flying pig. He can be if you want him to be, but he's just a generic pig. I love him. Pigs are my favorite animal. I feel a kinship with them because they are fat, smart, loyal and cute, and so am I.
positive and negative symbols - or, if you're an Eerie Indiana fan, a Dash and an X.
pretty food - that's vague and hard to explain. Basically, I'm a big eater and some foods just strike me as particularly lovely. I've never settled on one food, though, and I would have to find an artist who knew how to capture (in skin-ink) the beauty of the food that I see. So this one may never happen.
Shirley Jackson's autograph - the second of my hero's signature's tattoos. I pretty much just want to be Shirley Jackson, but with more world travel and less dying at age fifty.
something to do with The Simpsons - I'm such a big fan of the show (I'm the only person I know who still watches it and thinks it's funny) that a Simpsons tattoo seems like a no-brainer. But I can't pick one character or aspect of the show that I hold above the rest of the show enough to get a tattoo of it. So this one need a lot more thought.
star - this one's embarrassing. When I was about ten and rereading all the old issues of Mad Magazine we had in the house, there was a comic that had (I think in just one panel) a fictitious movie star with a tattoo of a star on her cheek. I thought that was the epitome of glamour. I ... I'm glad I've moved out of that mindset.
"The Boogie Man Is Real" - a quote from my favorite movie, House Of 1000 Corpses, that I feel pretty well sums up my love of horror movies
the gears - in other words, the symbol the Klokateers have branded on the backs of their necks on Metalocalypse. But if it was on the back of my neck I'd never get to see it. And to be one hundred percent accurate, I'd have to be branded with it, not tattooed. That sounds like it would hurt.
They Might Be Giants logo - I believe the logo that was used on Indestructable Object. It's lovely.
"We Apologize For The Inconvenience" - in flaming letters. I'd say what book it's from, but that would ruin the ending.
wedding ring with my husband's initials - obviously I can't get this one until I get married. But if (hopefully when) that ever happens, I'm definitely getting this.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot Warner - Animaniacs shaped who I am in a profound way. I met Rob Paulsen last night and he could not have been a nicer man. Even if that were not true, I'd still get a tattoo of the Warners. They're important to me.

Tattoos are addictive and I doubt I will ever be done.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

A List Of Possible List Options

Yesterday on Facebook I lamented that I really wanted to make a list (an urge I get with alarming frequency) but had no subject on which to base a list. One of my friends suggested I make a list of list ideas.
I don't know if he thought he was kidding or not, but I know that I wasn't and it was the only topic suggestion anyone gave me.
This is what I came up with:

-- a million things that bug me - I stole this one from a Calvin And Hobbes strip; I always thought it sounded like a fun list to write
-- a million things that make me happy - have to balance the bad with the good
-- bands I used to love
-- best movie deaths
-- cartoon characters I've had crushes on
-- conversation topics that are boring
-- dreamiest famous people - this is actually a list I make fairly often; my first one was inspired by VH1's 100 Hottest Hotties list that I disagreed with so severely that I had to make my own
-- fashion trends I've liked
-- favorite books
-- favorite comedians
-- favorite comic books
-- favorite comic strips
-- favorite Disney movies
-- favorite foods
-- favorite languages I don't understand - while considering this, I realized I tend to like "harsher" languages; for instance I'd probably put Klingon on the list even though I've only seen a few episodes of Star Trek and the whole language kind of sounds like someone trying to dislodge something from their throat
-- favorite Mike Patton songs
-- favorite movie villains
-- favorite musicals
-- favorite music videos
-- favorite non-musical plays
-- favorite old commercials
-- favorite television theme songs
-- favorite They Might Be Giants songs
-- favorite things to find on the ground
-- favorite villain songs
-- favorite words
-- great songs with lousy music videos
-- guilty pleasures
-- jobs I'd like to try
-- least favorite boks
-- least favorite Disney movies
-- least favorite foods
-- least favorite musicals
-- least favorite words
-- movies I know I've seen but don't remember anything about
-- movies I own for shallow reasons - in other words movies that have an actor I really like in them but aren't necessarily movies I like
-- movies I saw in the theater more than once
-- movies I wanted to see when they came out but forgot about and never did get around to actually watching
-- movies that are only worth seeing once
-- movies that cheer me up
-- movies that make me mad
-- my irrational fears
-- my personal one hit wonders - in other words, bands who have one song I like and a bunch of songs I don't
-- out of context punchlines
-- pets I've had
-- pets I've wanted
-- places I'd like to go
-- places I've been
-- songs that make me cry
-- songs with numbers in their titles
-- songs with people's names in their titles
-- story ideas
-- tattoos I've considered getting
-- television shows of my childhood
-- things I actually liked about school
-- things I'd do if I could time travel - I thought about this one a bit and realized I'd mostly just go to a lot of concerts
-- things I'm bad at
-- things I'm good at
-- things I've always wanted - well that's vague; I wonder what I meant by that
-- things that scared me when I was a child
-- worst episodes of good television shows

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Amateur Porn And Political Scandal!

Not really. I was just hoping something eyecatching and sensationalist would get a lot of hits. A more accurate title would be "Ghost Puppets!"
In other words, my friend's band just released a new video:

;

My favorite parts are when you can see the supposedly dead band members move their heads and their mouths twictch and stuff. Also, the song is good!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

A Ramble Probably A Lot Of Other People Have Written About A Movie That Nobody Cares About Anymore

I just saw about thirty seconds of the movie Shallow Hal on television. Shallow Hal is a movie I never saw when it came out because it looked atrocious (and it still does), but it's old enough now that nobody thinks about it anymore unless they run across it on television.
The bit I saw was Gwyneth Paltrow saying "I've had boys that were friends but never boyfriends. I'm never going to be beautiful. And I'm okay with that."
First of all, Gwyneth Paltrow isn't my type but it really rings false to see her saying "I'm never going to be beautiful." I don't care that the whole premise of the movie is that Jack Black sees her as Gwyneth Paltrow and the rest of the world sees her as Gwyneth-Paltrow-in-a-fat-suit. At the end of the days when they filmed scenes of her fat-suit-self, she still got to take the damn thing off and go back to being Gwyneth Paltrow and giving her kids funny celebirty's-kids'-names and being in movies where Robert Downey Jr. is in love with her. Most of us don't get to do that.
The point is, the one line of dialogue I caught before I had to change the channel stabbed me right in the gut. I could say those words verbatim and they'd actually be true coming from me. I'm getting a little watery-eyed just thinking them. (Especially since it took a good twenty years or so for me to be able to tack on the "I'm okay with that" part.)
'Cause here's the thing: I guess the point of Shallow Hal was supposed to be "Love People For Who They Are, Not What They Look Like" (which is going to ring false coming from any Hollywood movie, regardless of how sensitively they handle the subject matter) but it comes across as "Ugly People Will Only Find Love If Someone Is Cursed To Only See People's Inner Beauty." That's really harsh. It's even worse when you consider how many people (myself included) see themselves as ugly. The movie's basically just telling people with low self image to give up.
It's taken me most of my life to realize that the me I see is not the me everybody else sees; I'm not hideous, as I've led myself to believe (proof: other people can look at me without cringing). At worst I'm nondescript or average. And so is everybody else.
Basically what I'm saying is, one's own self image is usually pretty mean and you shouldn't listen to it if it's being an asshole. And you shouldn't listen to stupid Jack Black movies either. I certainly shouldn't have.
Everyone who was involved in the production of Shallow Hal loses fifty points for being associated with that fuckwad of a shitmovie.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Really, Really Miss Video Stores

Tonight I said something about how I'm mad at technology for murdering video stores. Then Scott kind of made fun of that statement by telling me I should blame other vague concepts for ruining specific things (or something like that; I honestly didn't really understand what he was talking about). I don't think he realized how much I meant what I said. Directly or indirectly, the internet and other advancing technologies are to blame for the death of the video store and, while there are some left, they're few and far between and difficult to find.
Looking at lists of movies on Netflix will never match browsing through video stores, especially independently owned video stores that rented out all kinds of stuff you'd never hear of otherwise, movies created for the nichest of markets and bootleg videos of concerts, music videos, old timey burlesque stuff and other few-of-a-kind delights.
No matter how awful a mood I'm in, the one thing guaranteed to cheer me up is going to a video store (preferrably with a friend or two but it also works if I go alone, just not as well) and just looking around, seeing what's there, finding things I'd like to watch and making fun of movies that look terrible.
Some of my favorite childhood memories revolve around video stores (which probably just says more about what kind of child I was than anything else): the talking Frankenhooker box; my older brother covering my eyes and walking me into the kids' section because I was afraid of the Child's Play 2 standee right next to the store's entrance; choosing a movie, remembering all the parts I hated about that movie and changing my mind, thus making every trip to rent a movie a ridiculously long ordeal that I'm sure frustrated my parents; looking at all the posters on the walls advertising movies that nobody thinks about anymore (Repossessed, for instance, and some movie where groom who I think is Dudley Moore has two brides).
In fact, I think the decor of the video stores I grew up in heavily influenced my design aesthetic: a house isn't a home if entire walls aren't covered in posters.
Video stores were my Valhalla and technology killed them. The internet stole my safehaven. (Insert third melodramatic sentence expressing a similar sentiment to the previous two here.) Sure, I love a lot of what the internet has to offer (the fact that it's made music videos easy to find now that Music Television has stopped having anything to do with music, for instance, and the fact that I can research bands and actors and such without having to fruitlessly wade through back issues of magazines at the library) but it's sad that video stores had to be a casualty in the abundance of accessible information.
I want video stores back.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Childish Thoughts

Today my aunt and I were babysitting my six year old niece and her (my aunt's) ten year old grandchildren, all three of whom are kids I ordinarily like.
Right before I left (indeed, the incident that inspired me to leave), my niece started whispering things to her cousins, and then all three of them looked over at me and started laughing. I immediately felt like I was nine years old, overcome by a rush of hurt and helplessness and confusion identical to the emotions I felt when I got made fun of in elementary school.
Now that I'm home it's taking all my willpower to not comfort-eat the large bag of peanut M&Ms I bought last night.
And now I can't decide which is more disturbing to me: the fact that my niece seems to be heading down the path of becoming the kind of kid that treats people horribly for no good reason or the fact that, at almost thirty years old, I haven't grown out of the feeling of abject misery that comes with people whispering and laughing at you.
No fooling, it's going to take a hell of a lot to cheer me up today. It'll take an incident of Gogol-Bordello-playing-an-impromptu-concert-in-my-backyard proportions. That's how deep it cut. I imagine other people having flashbacks to being teased mercilessly for what felt like no good reason would have a similar reaction.
But I still feel like somehow I'm wrong or overreacting or something. I mean, I should just let it go, right? They're little kids. They don't know any better.
Except when I was a little kid, the people teasing me and making me hate myself were also little kids. And they sure seemed to know better. It was a "malice aforethought" kind of thing.
What inspires people to act that way?

Be seeing you.
-Sally