Sleepy

I'm up late 'cause TNT is rerunning season three of Leverage at two in the morning and I'm staying up to tape it so when I finish showing my mom season two she can, you know, continue with the series.
But I need something to occupy my time while I'm waiting to hit the record button and go to bed (my TV doesn't let me just program tapes for some reason). Tonight I chose to read Cracked.com.
These two articles amused me greatly:

http://www.cracked.com/article_15768_as-seen-tv-10-most-laughably-misleading-ads.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback

http://www.cracked.com/article_18939_8-stupid-amazon-products-with-impressively-sarcastic-reviews.html?wa_user1=4&wa_user2=Tech&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended

Be seeing you.
-Sally

It's Completely Frozen!

Puntastic!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

How Can You Be Anything But Low Down Saggy And Blue

When I was a kid, we had a TV special about Joe Raposo on tape, which was pretty much the greatest thing ever, and this is one of the songs that was featured in it. For a long time I found it rather boring, but I seem to recall my brother liked it a lot, and it grew on me in his repeated viewings of the song (and eventually I figured out it was a very sad song, which probably made me dislike it again, but...)
Last night I was watching the Nostalgia Critic's Top Eleven Nostalgic Mindfucks list and the Raggedy Ann And Andy movie was on there, which reminded me "Hey, there was a song that the camel sang in that movie. I don't remember anything about it other than that it was pretty good. I should look it up."
I looked it up. I found it. And, in about three listens, I memorized the damn thing.
I'm obsessive compulsive about song lyrics.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Why Doesn't He Accept Me As His God?

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-Sally

I Ride Unicorns And I Like Candy

Mike Phirman's Lollytown made it onto Rock Band (or Rock Band Three or something).



If I had an XBox and / or Rock Band, I'd totally go buy this level.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Love Advertising

I do. I know and understand the soullessness of the purpose of it all ("Convince people to buy things they don't necessarily need because we want their money!") but I still love it.
I love reading about advertising, I love learning all the different tricks and methods used to try to sell products, all of it just fascinates me.
I'm also rather fond of Cracked.com, and I especially like their articles about advertising:

Thirteen Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed At Kids
http://www.cracked.com/article_18772_13-wildly-irresponsible-vintage-ads-aimed-at-kids.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended

Eight TV Ads That Hate Women
http://www.cracked.com/article_17036_8-tv-ads-that-hate-women.html

Ten Awesome Ads For Traumatizing Children
http://www.cracked.com/article_17093_10-awesome-ads-traumatizing-children.html

Hell yeah! That's great stuff.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Hubba Hubba Hubba Hubba Hubba

Last night Ivy played me a bunch of music. It was fun. I like music. Anyway, here's some of it:



First of all, this is probably my favorite of the songs she played me, which is maybe sad on my part (of course I went for the silliest song). The thing is, I think the main reason I liked it best is because I have vague memories of my older brother singing it years and years ago. Mostly just "I'm a happy boy (happy boy)!" but there were probably some "hubba"s in there, too.
Anyway, then there was this:



Which speaks very much to my love of fast singing.
And finally, I wouldn't recommend this video if you have issues with zombies, creepy zombie faces or zombies with glitter confetti for blood:



I would like to use this opportunity to bitch about something that music videos have been doing probably since forever that I have always hated: interrupting the song for the sake of having more video. While I heartily approve of music videos being movies and having stories, they're music videos, goddamnit! I have no problem with extra video being added to the beginning and end of the songs, but adding extra video to the middle interrupts the flow of the song, which, as far as I'm concerned, is just as important as what's going on onscreen. Possibly moreso, since the video is intended to showcase the song.
I'm just sayin'.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Less Than B Faith No More

As everybody knows by now, I went to a Faith No More concert last night. I can say with all certainty that this is, by far, the greatest band reunion in the history of ever. Even if Mr. Bungle decide to do a reunion tour, I don't know if they could top this one. (That could just be me on an FNM high, but the show really was incredible.)
And, in honor of the wonderful time I had and the amazing energy of the band, here's the music video for a song they didn't play last night.



Be seeing you.
-Sally

Fuck You, Blooper!

I don't care that it's scripted, this still cracks me up.

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-Sally

So Creepy

I still say he's the spittin' image of Quentin Tarantino (all forehead and chin).

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-Sally

Yo Ho

I freaking love this song, but it makes me want to cry a lot. Kind of in a good way ('cause it's just amazingly good) but also in a not good way (seeing as the lyrics are heartbreaking and all).

Be seeing you.
-Sally

My First Videoless Post

I'm not even going to share a link. There's no link to share. Something just really made me mad this morning, and I have to vent about it.
A person I'm Facebook friends with (who I don't know if I'd necessarily talk to outside of Facebook; she's mainly a friend of my dad's) posted yesterday that a thirteen year old friend of her daughter's committed suicide a few days ago. I didn't know the girl, but that is horrible and very, very sad news and I was about to sympathize with her.
Until she went on to say that the girl was obsessed with My Chemical Romance, the suicide was their fault, they promote suicide and they should be boycotted.
(Cue the Price Is Right losing horn.)
I cannot fucking believe people are still stupid enough to think things like that.
"A kid committed suicide; it was obviously the fault of the music she listened to and not, oh, I don't know, very deep and severe emotional problems that she didn't bother to turn to her friends or family to help her with."
What if the girl had been, like, a huge Taylor Swift fan? Nobody would blame Taylor Swift for the suicide. She's cute and blonde and sings country songs. My Chemical Romance has black hair and recorded an album about a guy dying of cancer (which is what I assume was being referenced when she said they "promote suicide"). They're goth pop, what do you expect them to write songs about?
All I'm saying is suicide exists in all music fandoms. I'm sure there are Taylor Swift fans who have killed themselves and the families of those victims probably praised Taylor Swift and played her at the funeral. No such sympathy for bands who dye their hair black.
Didn't blaming bands for suicides kind of die in the 1980s? Didn't everyone grow some fucking brain cells after that and realize that blaming the bands is the most motherfucking idiotic thing a person could do?
What band (besides Dethklok, but they're not real) actually wants their fans dead? None of them. Not one. Because, besides the obvious "If they had no fans, they'd have no career" point, it's been my experience that most bands really like their fans. Sure, they don't know them all personally or anything, but bands always seem to be really appreciative of the love and support their fans give them, and they seem to love being able to connect with however many people happen to love their music.
Earlier today the Facebook friend posted an "I was out of line" retraction, but only after Ivy basically told her off for being a goddamn idiot. (Ivy actually knows the singer from My Chemical Romance so her argument had a little extra weight than if I were to post "Hey, I barely know you, but you are wrong.") It's too late, though; I've lost a lot of respect for her.
I lose respect for anyone who refuses to see suicide as a product of very serious emotional problems and instead tries to shift the blame to the things the victim enjoyed.
I listen to My Chemical Romance and I haven't ever commited suicide. Not even once. I also watch a lot of slasher movies. And I have never brutally killed stupid bimbos in their underwear, even when they disturbed my grave on a full moon.
The fact that she even thought "it's the band's fault," let alone posted it for everyone to see, makes me think I should unfriend her.

So Glad He's Back

The past two nights on Conan have had brief moments that cracked me up so sufficiently I'm convinced I woke up the neighborhood with my laughter.
Monday night's show had the newest Harry Potter trailer:



And last night there was the clip from Oprah's final Favorite Things episode:



The Oprah one makes me laugh just thinking about it. I think it's her big, maniacal laugh.
I agree with Andy Richter, she's my new favorite supervillain.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Don't Know; I Don't Speak French

All I know is it's catchy and I love it.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Speaking Of Lin Shaye And Insidious

Here's a clip from Insidious that features Lin Shaye.



I have got to see this movie!

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-Sally

Why'd I Customize My Van When I Don't Even Own One?

I have to admit, the part where he bites the head of the stuffed animal still upsets me. Because I am a sissy. But other than that, this video rocks!

My friend Alisa occasionally puts together The Salon, where her artsy friends can share things they've been working on. Last night I read and sang something, which was nerve racking and I shook the whole time, but everybody was very very nice about it and it was a good experience overall.
And, I have to geek out about this: Lin Shaye, one of my favorite actresses (she was Granny Boone in the 2001 Maniacs movies and she had small parts in A Nightmare On Elm Street, Wes Craven's New Nightmare and Killer Pad; she's also in Insidious, which isn't out yet but I'm really, really looking forward to it. It looks amazing) was there, and she told me I did a good job. And she hugged me.
Lin Shaye hugged me! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
I'm a happy, happy fangirl.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Pick Me Up A Cruller And A Cup Full Of Tea

And any other sweetbreads you happen to see!



Voltaire rocks!!! (And, in this cartoon, he is a rock! Awesome.)

Be seeing you.
-Sally

What Cigarette Do You Smoke, Doctor?

I love this commercial 'cause, even if they were still allowed to show cigarette ads on television, they couldn't get away with this now.
I'm certain there are still doctors who smoke. They're human beings; we all have bad habits.
What I hate is the Youtube comments on old cigarette ads. Everybody's all uppity and high and mighty and "Oh, they all died of cancer and pulmonary disease." You know what? Snotty comments like that make me want to take up smoking just to piss you off.
Although they don't make my brand anymore...



Oh hell yes! I want that fabulous life! I want to dance and sing cigarette commercial jingles with my rich, 1950s friends! I want to feel the breath of fresh air that comes from the recessed filter! I want to understand what the hell "breath of fresh air that comes from the recessed filter" means!
Oh, cigarette commercials. You make everything seem so fabulous.
(Now let's watch my comment section get filled with snotty "smoking kills you" talk. Which I will ignore. 'Cause I know smoking's bad for you. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy cigarette ads.)

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Who Is That Guy, Anyway?

Not Little Richard; the other guy.



What's embarassing is, decades later, I still get this song stuck in my head sometimes. And I hadn't actually watched this commercial since it aired before today. But pretty much every time I see a Taco Bell my brain sings "Chicken soft taco, chicken burrito, chicken meximelt..."
But don't ask me any useful information, like what's seven times nine or where Kentucky is.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

This Is Awesome

Cab Calloway is the man. The Nicholas Brothers are the mans, too.

On a completely unrelated note, I want to complain about one of the guests on Conan last night, and this is the only internet ranty place I have that my cousin doesn't read, and I have to watch what I say lest I hurt her feelings 'cause she's all obsessed with Glee (eyeroll).
Leah Michelle (or whatever; I don't give enough of a fuck about her to find out if I spelled her name correctly; she doesn't deserve spellcheck) from Glee was on Conan last night. I hated her the second she started talking. Every word out of her mouth made me want to cause her intense physical pain. I didn't know it was possible but she struck me as simultaneously genuinely perky and phony in all ways. I've never watched Glee and I don't know anything about this girl other than her appearance on Conan last night, but based on that I absolutely despise her and I'm really mad that I decided to record the whole episode because now I have her trapped on VHS forever. I can't tape over her because I did like the song Conan and Jack White played after Little Miss Obnoxious's segment.
Okay. Sorry, rant over. I'm gonna watch Cab Calloway again. There's nothing about him that can be disliked.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Conan Premieres Tonight!

I'm excited!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Mother Approved Television

Here are two videos sent to my by my mom:





Did I mention my mom is awesome?

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-Sally

Do You Want To See A Crazy Lady Fall Apart In Front Of You

Heydillyhey all my no readers! Let's play "Which Version Of Not Getting Married Today Do You Like Better?"

Heather Laws...



Madeline Kahn...



or Carol Burnett?



Bonus points to whoever can figure out and let me know who the heck Heather Laws reminds me of.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Would You Like To Try A Combo Meal?

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-Sally

Oh. That Was Easy.

Okay, so Youtube had clips from Carrie: The Musical.



And, honestly, it looks kind of awesome.



I guess even though it flopped on Broadway some companies still do the show. Why they never perform it in a city I can easily get to, I do not know. I'd love to go see it.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Anybody Without A Last Name Has Gotta Be A Little Weird

I don't think it would be wise of me to post all twelve segments on this blog, but here's Part One of the televised version of It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's Superman!



Now if only I could find footage from Carrie: The Musical.
Oh my god, somebody needs to make a TV movie of that! How do I make that happen?

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Please Enjoy This Rapping Dog

Oh, Titanic The Animated Musical, you so crazy.
And as long as we're talking about dogs and things that make me laugh hysterically, I'd like you to meet Rusty:



*Bound, bound, snore!*
There's a seat reserved for me in the level of Hell for people who laugh at narcoleptic dogs.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

GYAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Robots are creepy.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Refined Valley Dude Seeks No Fatties

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-Sally

<--- The Line --->

We all know I'm a fan of That Guy With The Glasses, AKA Doug Walker. Other than watching some of the Nostalgia Chick's videos, I haven't really strayed from Walker's videos on thatguywiththeglasses.com. (Bum Reviews are my favorites.)
Yesterday, however, Ivan and Amanda proved once again that I need to expand my horizons when they showed me a couple of videos from The Spoony Experiment (spoonyexperiment.com), which is TGWTG related.
The first one they showed me was basically a Rifftrax of the video tape that came with the Dungeons And Dragons Junior game, Dragon Strike. The other was about brilliant early 1990s Wendy's training videos, including the awesome songs Hot Drinks:



Cold Drinks:



Got To Serve The Drinks (holy god, why do the drinks need three videos?):



and, of course, Chili Can Be Served With Cheese:



I have drawn the obvious conclusion that, because Spoony (AKA Noah Antwiler) introduced me to these videos, I must marry him. Or murder him. I'm not sure which.
(DISCLAIMER: All threats of a murderous or matrimonial nature are intended for humerous purposes only and are not to be taken seriously. Unless he's interested. Hey Spoony, call me!)

Be seeing you.
-Sally

He Could Be Any One Of A Dozen Other Potato Headed Men

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-Sally

A Crunchy New Force At Breakfast

I know they always tasted terrible, but I really miss Whatever's Popular At The Moment tie-in breakfast cereals.

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-Sally

Xtranormal = Fun

Okay, I didn't find this one and it wasn't shown to me by someone else. I made it.



I'm kind of proud of it. I don't know why. I'm also proud of my soccer one:



Be seeing you.
-Sally

Dueling Fudge Filled Cookies

Which would you rather eat:
Keebler Magic Middles...



or Sunshine Chippy Chews?


I wish I had a package of each right now. For studious comparative reasons. (Sure.)
I have a stronger nostalgic reaction to the Chippy Chews commercial (the baker and the kids bouncing on the giant cookie and the Candy Man based jingle; for years I thought the commercial was first and to this day my brain still sings that song as "The Sunshine Bakerman can") but a few years ago I ran across a Magic Middles print ad in an old National Geographic and that one knocked me straight back to being seven. I think one of the girls in my Girl Scout troop might have brought them for snack.
The only reason I stayed in Girl Scouts for as long as I did was for the snack. The novelty of eating a treat from somewhere other than my own home does not wear off, apparently.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Please Don't Eat All The Morsels

This was one of my favorite commercials when I was a kid. I couldn't sing my way through the jingle without cracking up. Nothing is funnier than bald cookies when you're seven.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Dr. Tran Doles Out The Harshness!

I went to culinary school in San Francisco. I moved there the week of Halloween. On Halloween night my roommate and I went to Spike And Mike's Sick And Twisted Festival Of Animation, most of which I didn't enjoy. You see, most forms of animation give me the fucking creeps. I was raised on a Disney diet and I have a hard time straying away from very mainstream looking animation. So I wasn't a huge fan of the festival (actually, the most traumatizing cartoon began with a baby getting shot and actually got worse from there) but there was one cartoon, and one cartoon alone, that I loved enough to go to the festival a second time with Shelby and Kristin.
Ladies and gentlemen: Here Comes Dr. Tran!



Since then about a million Dr. Tran cartoons have been made. I'm too lazy to follow them on Youtube, but I hope they put out another DVD collection someday (maybe they already did; I don't know) so I can watch them that way. I did watch the first Dr. Tran sequel before I got overwhelmed and gave up, and it still makes me laugh even harder than the original.
Ladies and gentlemen: Roybertito's!



Be seeing you.
-Sally

Then I Don't Need A Jacket

Why does this video crack me up?
I think it's the pause before the laugh.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Where Did The Groove Go?

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-Sally

Banana Clowns and Hamburger Dads

The following videos I share not because I really like them, but because I like the ideas of them.

The Plight Of Clownana





Hamburger Dad



The ideas behind them appeal to my absurd sense of humor (kid's dad is hamburger; banana vs. penis dance contest) even if I feel like they kind of fell down in the execution. I just love that these are there. I love that people came up with these ideas and cared enough about them to actually turn them into movies. Everyone should have that kind of passion about their silly ideas.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

THIS IS (from) AL TV!!!

It's not from one of the Al TVs I grew up with, though (we had two or three on tape, which I watched like crazy). I guess my mom had stopped religiously taping MTV by the time this one aired and my brother and I had not yet begun religiously taping MTV. (Now nobody religiously tapes MTV 'cause they don't play music anymore.)
It is, however, hilarious. I haven't bothered to check Youtube for the Al-narrated videos from the Al TVs I did grow up with. ... I'll check now!
Here's one!



Can't find his commentary on Stay The Night by Chicago, though. Dang.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

This Is One Of Those Things That's Only Funny To, Like, Three People

And I am one of them.

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-Sally

Canada's Number One!

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-Sally

Robyenne Was Right

This song is amazing!



I'm pretty sure they fall into the "Everything On BBC 4" category, but I'd like to name drop some of my favorite BBC shows that I didn't hear in the song:

The Prisoner (It's been pointed out to me that this one possibly isn't a BBC show. But I'm a stupid American who doesn't know any better and it's my favorite TV show, so I'm a-keepin' it on the list.)
The IT Crowd
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
Coupling
Snuff Box
Blackpool (...Okay, I never actually saw this one. I saw a commercial for it once on BBC America and I desperately want to see it but it's not out on DVD. At least, not in this country.)

Thank you.

Be seeing you. (Told you I love it.)
-Sally

I Love Crispin Glover's Crazy

And his nose. Crispin Glover has a great nose.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Oh Hell Yes, Giant Flan!

My favorite is the guy who seems to be cheating on his girlfriend with the Giga Pudding.

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-Sally

It Was Not Your Fault But Mine

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-Sally

Absomoosely Sugarlicious

The one and only cereal that comes in the shape of animals!

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-Sally

Other Causes I Support

As long as we're on the subject of "Thing's I'm Pro-"; I'm pro-Conan O'Brien.



So looking forward to his new show.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

It's Okay To Be Gay

I've been hearing a lot of horrible stories lately about gay kids killing themselves because people are inhumanly cruel to them about their sexuality. I can't fathom how or why shit like that could be happening.
So, I'm taking this opportunity to say: There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, bisexuality or transgenderism (or whatever the word for that is). I support everybody's everything.
And I've been wanting an excuse to share this ad:



This was a pro-gay marriage / anti-Proposition Eight ad from the election a few years ago. It still makes me cry. It's the most brilliantly made political advertisement in the history of time, and I defy anybody to find me a better one. (That one of the little girl picking daisies from the '60s? Dishwater compared to this one.)
Another really well done, pro-gay (but non-political) ad is this French one for McDonalds:



And, because I can't leave here without a little humor (and I can't deny I'm a sucker for campiness and drag queens) I'll leave you with Tomboy and their blog-titling message that It Is, in fact, Okay To Be Gay.



Be seeing you.
-Sally

I've Got To Get These Guys' Album

The guys who did that kickass Mega Man 2 rap did a lot of other kickass raps, too. I'm fond of their Mario Bros. ones, Tetris (of course; I have a soft spot for Tetris, seeing as I rock at it and all) and, my new favorite, Mike Tyson's Punch Out:



Be seeing you.
-Sally

When You Say Emahtskcblvdt Boy You've Said A Lot

There was one December where Amazon.Com put out a series of ads featuring a choir of men in sweaters singing about various products on Amazon.Com. This one is probably the most famous.



The problem is, I've found pretty much every single one of these ads on Youtube except, of course, for the only one I really remember from that season and the one that is by far still my favorite. The lyrics were:

"Amazon Dot Com has tons of toys
Every ton weighs two thousand pounds
That's a lot of toys!"

If anybody has a copy of that commercial, will you please post in on Youtube for me? I'll favorite it and post it on this blog and be ever so happy.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Sadly, The Old Spice Guy Isn't Grover

I love the Old Spice Guy.



He appeals to my love of absurdity, non sequitors and uber sequitors (stating the very obvious).



Apparently the actor's name is Isaiah Mustafa.



He's done what seem to be hundreds of Twitter response videos as the Old Spice Guy.



And it turns out he's from near where I live. Weird.



Awesome as the Old Spice Guy is, though, he's no furry blue monster.



Be seeing you.
-Sally

Blue Hair? What A Freak! ... Oh My God, It's Marge!

Today I went to the wedding of my friends Megan McDonough and Jim Byrnes. It was the perfect ceremony for the people involved; there were noisemakers and flags and audience participation and coffee and ice cream sandwiches and Jason Narvy and box lunches. Jim worked quotes from The Simpsons into his vows.
It was a grand wedding and I'm in a good mood. So, to combine the feelings of happiness, love, sugary snacks and Simpsons references, I give you Lesley Gore's Sunshine, Lollipops And Rainbows.



As the flags say, YAY!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

That Number Is So Odd

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-Sally

I Still Need You But I Don't Want You Now

I think I'm going to have to rule this as one of those songs where I don't necessarily trust people who don't like it. It's so dang catchy! And the video's got a bear playing the trumpet!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Listen Up Straight, Y'all Biscuitheads

I'm a huge Homestar Runner fan. It's exactly the absurd kind of humor that I love best. I assume by now most people have at least a small knowledge of the website (Trogdor, anyone?) but the in-show universe is deceptively large and complicated. Almost every minor character who's ever been briefly mentioned tends to get at least one or two cartoons all to themselves. (For instance Crack Stuntman and the Blubb-Os whale, two of my favorites.)
For some reason, I have a soft spot for the rapper known as Peacey P. Check out his dope rhymes. He's so smooth he orders breakfast in the middle of other people's rap songs.



He's so fly he'll even record songs with death metal bands like it's 1991:



That's what happens when you're down with the Trudgemank.
But that's not to say Crack Stuntman didn't have his share of sweet rapping gigs.



And it's a very important message for today's disenchanted youth. Or something like that.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Oh, Obsession; You're So Life Consuming

In the same vein of yesterday's post: Here's another Inception trailer mash up.



Leverage: Is there anything it can't do?

Be seeing you.
-Sally

When The East Wind Blows And The Fog Rolls In

I could watch genre-switching movie trailers all day. I love this stuff (as long as it's done well).
I'm not going to post Shining because everybody's seen it and, honestly, my hatred of that movie is so strong it spills into parody videos as well. The only The Shining-related thing I like is The Shinning from The Simpsons.
Instead I will post a few of my favorites, such as Scary Poppins:



West Side Zombies:



Saw-medy (I don't like the narration bit, but the choice of music is perfect):



When Harry Killed Sally:



And, my very favorite, The Wacky Wicker Man:



In a similar vein we have House Of 1000 Muppets:



and Toy Story Inception:



And, because I can't do anything lately without it tying in with Leverage, here's the opening credits to the Friends version of Leverage:



I may rail against technology at almost every turn, but I do love me the internet.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Why Be Realistic?

We Live In A Dump is one of my favorite They Might Be Giants songs.



This isn't the video I would have made, but I'm not a filmmaker so I don't get a say in matters. And it is a good video.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Billy Mays Can Help

I never liked admitting it, but I always rather enjoyed Billy Mays commercials. Sure, he shouted all the time, but it was happy, insincere shouting. I kind of like that, as long as the shouting is coming from a person in my television and not actually in the room with me.
Anyway, the internet has decided to turn his commercials into songs. There's a ballad:



and, of course, a rap song:



Be seeing you.
-Sally

I *Told* You He Was The Punjabi Captain Planet

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-Sally

Nightengale From Moogle?

Is that what he's saying?



Either the Autotune made him impossible to understand or I know less about World Of Warcraft than I thought.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Little Mac Comes Out Of Retirement

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-Sally

She Makes A Persuasive Argument

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-Sally

Danny Kaye Is A Hero

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-Sally

For When You Need To Psyche Yourself Up

All right, now I'm pumped! Time to take on the entire world!

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Speaking Of Yodeling

Franzl Lang just made himself a new fan.



Be seeing you.
-Sally

And I Will Juggle A Lullaby

No "Embedding Disabled By Request" is going to stop me from sharing this video!
I am easily impressed by what a lot of people may consider "useless" talents. If you can play an instrument, draw, dance, yodel, juggle or do magic tricks, you are one of the coolest people in the world to me.
In fact, it's downright nerdy how impressed I am by people who know how to juggle. I'm still upset that I don't have the capacity to learn how to do it. I've tried several times and just can't make it happen.
The guy in this video, though, he knows how to juggle. And he is fantastic.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Mmm, Catchy

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-Sally

I'll Have ... The Fish!

I saw this commercial on one of those "Hilarious Foreign Commercials" shows they used to do sometimes in the '90s. It gave me the damn creeps, and for a very long time I thought I'd made it up. I also touted it to anybody who'd listen to me as one of the best commercials I'd ever seen. Thanks to the magic of Youtube, I've found it once again!



Goddamn, how come they don't sell beer this way in America?

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-Sally

Damn, That Guy's Hungry

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-Sally

Oh, Lamp!

You have to watch the commercial before reading what I have to say about it.



This is possibly the most brilliant commercial in the history of time.
The first time I saw it, years and years ago, I was pretty much in tears by the end. I was just on the verge of saying "I don't like this commercial," when that man walked in and told me I was crazy. And I busted up.
It was the perfect element for that moment in time, and that dude saved me probably a good ten minutes of crying over a sad, discarded lamp. I still think it's one of the funniest commercials ever made. (And I generally follow the rule that sad =/= funny.)
What's great is everybody else I've ever shown this to has the same reaction; as it goes on they all get more and more upset over the lamp. Everybody feels bad for that lamp. And then that man walks in and tells them they're crazy and it always gets a big laugh.
This commercial is manipulative, it fucks with your emotions and it's funny as hell.
And, really, it's a brilliant piece of filmmaking. I don't know who directed it, but I really hope they've moved on to feature films. Successful ones. They deserve it.

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-Sally

The Stylist Doesn't Get Any Pay

Remember Nerf Herder?
Okay, remember the theme song to Buffy The Vampire Slayer? Yeah, that was by Nerf Herder. They had a lot of other good songs, but I can't find videos for any of the ones I'm familiar with. They were good, though. Trust me.
Anyway, according to my brother, they haven't put out any albums lately. He claims it's due to stuff like this:



Nerf Herder frontman Parry Gripp has cornered the market on "funny songs about adorable animal videos."



He's got a bunch of them.



None of them are very long.



Some of them include celebrity guest appearances.



The thing is, probably my two favorite Parry Gripp videos have nothing to do with adorable animals. One of them is mostly about nachos (which is good, because I don't understand the part about the Ipad; I don't speak technology):



My very favorite Parry Gripp video is about teenage girls with video diaries. This song has the most rockin' bridge that could possibly exist:



Mostly, though, Parry Gripp is your go to guy for songs about animals that are both fuzzy and cute.



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-Sally

I'm A Super Fightin' Robot From The Year 2010

When I was a kid I spent a lot of time watching my brother play video games. A lot of people will tell you watching other people play video games is boring. I disagree, and I have a very good reason to disagree: I'm really bad at video games. Me watching me play video games is insanely boring because all I ever got to see was the first halves of levels. RPGs were even worse, because I just didn't understand them. "What do you mean I just kind of wander around? Where am I supposed to go?"
I'm not terrible at all games; I'm great at Tetris-style "blocks falling from the sky" games. But games with characters and stories, forget it. I'm a mess.
So I spent a lot of time watching my brother play video games. The Mega Man games were favorites of mine. Embarassingly, there was a while where I had a crush on that little 8-bit robo man (still not as embarrassing as the crush I had on Bob Barker; what the hell was I thinking?), but I really liked the games even after I got over that one.
What I'm trying to say is: Here's an awesome rap song about Mega Man 2.



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-Sally

The Puppets Kind Of Creep Me Out

I've never seen Hedwig And The Angry Inch. I kind of want to, but I've just never gotten around to it. Maybe someday.
Until then, I'm going to continue to worry that the version of The Long Grift in the movie won't live up to the They Might Be Giants version:



'Cause that's just beautiful. I don't need to hear another version.

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-Sally

I'm In A Mike Patton Mood Today

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-Sally

Hey, I Was At That Show!

I totally was.



The sound quality's kinda bad, but this is still pretty great. I've never heard the original Jennifer Lopez version of the song, so I don't know how it compares (my guess: Lovage is much better).
Still crossing my fingers for a second Lovage album.

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-Sally

The Punjabi Captain Planet

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-Sally

Home Is Full Of Bad Things That Can Hurt You Very Much

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-Sally

Darn Fine Pie

I love Sesame Street.

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-Sally

That's Right, Lesser Developed Human Prototype Us-es

Apparently a third Bill and Ted movie is in the works. I'll admit it, I'm excited.



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-Sally

I Sleep All Day, Drive All Night

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-Sally

Proclamation!

There's a feature on thatguywiththeglasses.com called 5 Second Movies. All the Rocky movies in five seconds is probably my favorite:



Titanic in five seconds and Bridge To Terabithia in five seconds are also really good, if you feel the need to seek them out.
5 Second Movies are not to be confused with 5 Second Films such as Gentleman Caller:



and Unrecognized Genius:



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-Sally

This Year Roger Rabbit Will Be Our Christmas Star

I'm obsessed with advertising. I don't know why, but something about it fascinates me. I study it like it's ... I don't know, like it's a thing that people study. So there'll be a lot of commercials on this blog (mostly old ones, but maybe some new ones if I like them enough).
And what better way to introduce you to my advertising obsession than by combining it with two of my other obsessions: Disneyland and Christmas?



This is probably my favorite television commercial of all time. It makes me happy. I love the jingle, I love the product it's trying to sell me (I still have in my bedroom a 1988 Disneyland poster: "Roger Rabbit's Very First Christmas At Disneyland"), it's just all around directly targeted at me.
By the way, appealing to the Sally Zybert Demographic is a bad way to run an advertising business.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

The Names Are Made Up But The Problems Are Real

Does anybody else out there remember Square One?



Back in the day, someone thought the best way to teach kids about math was silly sketches, fast talker John Moschitta (whose last name I thought was "Ma-Cheetah," which seemed appropriate), Blackstone The Magician (was that his name?), writing eights funny (one circle then another circle, rather than a sideways infinity) and, of course, music videos:



I am the first to admit the only way I can retain academics is to learn them in song form. I can't do simple algebra, but I can do subtraction problems in base eight (New Math by Tom Lehrer). The basics of geometry are lost on me, but I can recite one hundred eightysomething digits of pi (Pi by Hard 'N Phirm). And, thanks to Animaniacs, I know the capitals of all fifty states (Wakko's America). I just can't tell you where in the country any of those states lie, because I know diddly squat about geography.
The thing is, I don't know if I ever retained anything from Square One. I mean, I watched the show religiously, but I can't recall ever learning anything about math from it. I don't think I realized that was the point. (What can I say? I just don't think about that kind of thing.)
I do remember it scaring me; one of the music videos (Youtube disabled the embed function on it, so I can't post it here) was called Ghost Of A Chance and was about a pizza delivery guy having to use probability to get through a haunted house. If the song got stuck in my head on any given day, I wouldn't be able to sleep that night. It got to the point where I'd run out of the room every time it came on (just like I did with Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell and Jeopardy by Greg Kihn). Now I can't get enough of the creepy stuff, but when I was a kid I did almost everything I could to avoid it. (It still fascinated me, but I wanted to hear about it secondhand.)
Square One also had a song that made me cry:



It didn't occur to me that the show was trying to teach me that there was such a thing as negative numbers. First of all, I think I already knew that. More than that, though, it just seemed to me like they were picking on the guy. It wrecked me. In addition to being a sissy about scary stuff, I was also oversensitive to pretty much everything.
And I guess I still am. 'Cause I'm getting a little teary thinking about how I used to think Less Than Zero was such a sad song.
Yeah ... I think there's something wrong with me in the brain area.
The thing I remember most vividly about Square One is Mathman:



...but most people seem to remember Mathnet best.



I liked Mathnet but, like most of Square One, I'm not sure if I actually got it. I don't think I knew I was supposed to learn any math from it. I just knew it was a parody of Dragnet.
And, like everything else on the planet, there was an episode that scared me. In fact, my most vivid memory of Mathnet is not of the show itself, but of the tactic I used to avoid an episode.
The way Mathnet worked (at least, the way I remember it) was, one story was stretched out over the week in five parts. I swear one of the stories ended with people in a courtroom taking masks off, something that used to scare the crap out of me (it just looked to me like face removal). So I started paying attention and learned how the Monday episode of that Mathnet series started, then I just wouldn't watch all that week.
It's the same tactic I use today to avoid the dog episode of Futurama. If the episode starts and Bender's wearing a cape, I turn it off.
Anyway, Square One was cool. I miss it. I can't say I learned anything from it (nothing that stuck, anyway) but I bet if I watched it now I'd probably pick up some sweet math skills.
Now if only it'd come out on DVD.

Be seeing you.
-Sally