The past several years ... since high school, actually, I've noticed a lot, to most, to 99.999% of people have been taking a "The Simpsons sucks now" stance. I have been defending the show the entire time.
It still makes me laugh out loud, I tell people. And if it were exactly the same now as it was back in its "golden age" you'd all be complaining that it's exactly the same, that it never evolved, that it's stale. So it's good that it's different. But I wouldn't say that it sucks.
But after last week's new episode, Love Is A Many-Splintered Thing, I'm a lot closer to agreeing with the people who have given up on the show.
You see, back in season nineteen there was an episode called Apocalypse Cow where Bart joined the 4H Club, raised a calf and, to keep it from being slaughtered, gave it to one of Cletus's kids, Mary. Cletus and Brandine take the gift as a proposal and try to get Bart and Mary hitched.
Because Mary was played by Zooey Deschanel (who I just do not like but that's a different story that has nothing to do with my complaints about The Simpsons so I won't go into it right now) who since got her own terrible-looking Fox sitcom, it's not a surprise they brought her back as a guest star again because the network owns her or whatever.
In the season twenty four premiere, Moonshine River, Bart is feeling bummed that none of his little kid relationships ever worked out and goes to find Mary, the only girl who still likes him back. Mary has run away to New York and they have a nice reunion until Cletus finds them and tries to take Mary back home. She sneaks away, says a sweet goodbye to Bart and boards a train to go make her own way in the world.
I actually really liked how that episode ended. I liked Mary being determined to move beyond her slack jawed yokel roots and make her own way in the world. She gave Bart hope and a self esteem boost and it was just a cool finale to the character.
Except they brought her back. Not even, like, seasons later when they were running out of ideas. They brought her back eleven episodes later and completely lamed everything up. Mary came back to Springfield all of her own accord so she could be near Bart, with whom she immediately grows disenchanted because he's a ten year old boy. She also spends a lot of the episode being preoccupied with being coupled up, saying things like "I'm a hillbilly girl of twelve; if I'm not married in the next six months I'll be an old maid and nobody'll want me" or something like that.
They took a character that I actually kind of liked despite her unlikeable voice actress and wiped away everything interesting about her, and just turned her back into "one of Cletus's kids." Also, the way the episode ended (she marries a fiery Latino boy but when Bart looks her up on a Facebook knockoff her status changes from married to single and he gets a message from "the widow Mary Spuckler," which makes me feel really bad for the fiery Latino boy) implied that they will probably bring her back yet again.
So they brought back a character I barely remembered, gave a her a decent episode with a graceful and uplifting ending and, rather than leave well enough alone, brought her back again, retconned the nice episode and ruined the whole thing.
Dude! The Simpsons! I am the only person on the planet still defending you! Don't fuck this up and turn me against you, too! Get your shit together!
ADDITIONAL COMPLAINT: I finished this post as this week's new episode was starting. The episode is about Milhouse getting made over to look just like his dad. And, in an odd reversal of South Park's "The Simpsons did it already" rule, Bob's Burgers already did a very similar gag with Gene a few weeks ago. What the hell, you guys? What the hell?
Be seeing you.
-Sally
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