50) Dumbo - Pink Elephants On Parade - Why do so many people think Pink Elephants On Parade was scary? I sincerely, one hundred percent do not understand.
49) Toy Story 2 - Woody yelling "Andy!" - I don't know what's going on here. I only saw Toy Story 2 once and it traumatized me, but only because of that goddamn When She Loved Me song.
48) Fantasia - Night On Bald Mountain - I always liked Night On Bald Mountain. Way more exciting and interesting than some of the other segments in Fantasia.
47) The Princess Bride - fifty years of Westley's life get sucked out - I was never as traumatized by the lifesucking machine as I was distracted by trying to figure out how it worked. There's suckers on his head and chest, and then there's water, and now he's going to die sooner? What?
46) The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe - a lady with a knife - Never saw it.
45) The Lion King - Scar kills Mufasa - Okay, apparently I'm a heartless human being but I am completely unmoved by Mufasa's death. "Our trio's down to two" still makes me cry like a little sissy girl but Scar killing Mufasa, meh. Don't care.
44) The Goonies - the Fratellis attempt to blender Chunk's hand - Yeah, this is absolutely traumatizing. A lot of things in The Goonies are. The implication of a terrifying octopus, One Eyed Willie having bone where his eye socket should be... Gah!
43) Hook - The Boo Box - The Boo Box? Really? Who the hell was traumatized by that? Or anything in Hook, for that matter? (Well, maybe that scene where the little girl was singing. That was awful.)
42) Scruffy - a dog is going to be put to sleep - Never even heard of it.
41) An American Tail - the ocean separates Fievel from his parents - I don't remember being traumatized by anything in An American Tail either.
40) Darby O'Gill And The Little People - the banshee - Never saw it but have been told I should.
39) Snow White And The Seven Dwarves - a bunch of creepy eyes - Don't remember seeing it but have been told I did.
38) Time Bandits - "Don't touch it!" - No. No, no, no. The people who were traumatized by the parents blowing up at the end of Time Bandits are stupid! They were terrible parents and the part where they explode is hilarious! The traumatizing part is when David Warner blows up the dog for no reason. That made me cry so fucking hard. The parents exploding is what cheered me up after the dog being killed.
37) Care Bears Movie 2: A New Generation - Daaaaaark Heaaaaaart - Never saw it.
36) The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen - a skeleton with wings thing - I saw Baron Munchausen in the theater and seem to remember really liking it. All I remember about going to see it, though, is walking away from the theater after the movie talking about how good it was.
35) Old Yeller - Tommy Kirk shoots his dog - Never saw it.
34) The Fox And The Hound - the old lady leaves the fox in the forest - Oh, yeah, only one moment in The Fox And The Hound is traumatizing. That entire movie is soul crushing.
33) Air Bud - a little kid leaves the Air Bud in the forest? - Never saw it.
32) Transformers - the death of Optimus Prime - Never saw it when I was a kid so I wasn't upset by Optimus Prime's death so much as I was impressed by the ballsiness of the filmmakers to kill off a beloved character in a kids movie.
31) My Girl - "He needs his glasses." - This is actually the only part of My Girl I've seen. And it is really sad.
30) Toy Story - Woody meets Sid's toys - Oh, yeah, Sid's awesome toys; the only good part of Toy Story. That's really traumatizing. *eyeroll*
29) Matilda - somebody is putting Matilda in a cupboard or something - I didn't see Matilda until I was in high school and I just remember kind of hating it. I don't like Roald Dahl, though.
28) Babe 2: Pig In The City - a pig is drowning? - Never saw it.
27) Dick Tracy - a guy getting cement dumped on him - Never saw it.
26) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - the Childcatcher - Never saw it.
25) Alice In Wonderland, the Through The Looking Glass Half - the Jabberwocky - I was so obsessed with this movie when I was a kid that I don't think anything in it could have frightened me. I always though the Jabberwocky was pretty cool looking.
24) Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest - the toxin monster - Really? I always thought he was awesome.
23) Home Alone 2 - some homeless guy or something? - Never saw it but if that horrible movie from Home Alone that he uses to scare away the pizza guy isn't on this list, then I know it was made by idiots. That was horrifying.
22) Pinocchio - the kid turning into a donkey - I think I saw Pinocchio once and I just remember being bored. Seeing this clip now I could see why it might scare some kids but I don't think I thought enough about the horrific implications of shapeshifting (still don't) to realize that the scene could possibly scare anybody. Especially since it's just show in shadow.
21) Pee Wee's Big Adventure - Large Marge - If I had seen it when I was a kid, yes, that would have scared the bejeezus out of me but the first time I saw Pee Wee's Big Adventure I was in my twenties and was just really disappointed that Large Marge didn't scare me.
20) The Land Before Time - Littlefoot's mom dies - The only thing I remember about seeing The Land Before Time when I was a kid was my brother teasing me and calling me Cera, which really upset me because I hated her, and I cried and my mom got mad and then we weren't allowed to rent The Land Before Time anymore.
19) Follow That Bird - Big Bird is blue and crying - Never saw it, but I was traumatized by a movie about Big Bird going to Japan and his tour bus leaving without him.
18) The Witches - a kid turning into a mouse? - Never saw it.
17) The Wizard Of Oz - the flying monkeys - Why the fuck is everyone so scared of the fucking flying monkeys? I don't fucking understand it. The only scary part in The Wizard Of Oz is the stripey feet curling up under the house.
16) Labyrinth - Dance Magic - Okay, this list was officially made by complete fucking idiots. Dance Magic? Not one person on the planet was frightened by the Dance Magic numbe in Labyrinth. I would have bought Shimmy Down as traumatizing before Dance Magic, and Shimmy Down is possibly the best part of the movie.
15) The Jungle Book (1994) - a guy sinking in quicksand - I think I saw the live action The Jungle Book once but don't remember it. This clip, though, makes me think of the swamps of sadness from The Neverending Story. That was traumatizing.
14) The Dark Crystal - I have no idea what's going on here - Never saw it.
13) Return To Oz - the Wheelies - Those roller skate guys aren't the traumatizing part of Return To Oz. The lady with the hall of heads who wants to steal Dorothy's head is the traumatizing part! She's the reason I haven't gone out and rented that movie again to prove that I'm brave enough to get through it in my old age. I do not want to have to watch that part.
12) Up - Ellie dies - I would accept this if it weren't for two things: 1) Up is not from my childhood. 2) Little kids don't seem to get how heartbreaking that scene is. The second time I went to see Up, the little kid behind me kept asking what was happening and why Carl was sad. He wasn't traumatized, he was confused. His idiot parents hemmed and hawed and refused to tell him what was going on and I was really tempted to just turn around and say "Ellie died." That might have traumatized him.
11) Little Monsters - a monster? - Never saw it.
10) The Adventures of Mark Twain - The Mysterious Stranger - Oh, fuck! Yes! That is fucking terrifying!
9) The Last Unicorn - a skeleton yelling "Unicorn!" - Never saw it. Who would? You can tell from the title it's going to be depressing.
8) The Neverending Story - the swamps of sadness - Aha! I told you! I guess they're not complete idiots after all.
7) Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory - the boat ride - I never had a problem with the boat ride scene. I had a problem with the fact that all the kids who disappear in the movie are fucking dead and the one kid who doesn't die gets mercilessly screamed at pretty much out of nowhere. And people wonder why I'm terrified of Gene Wilder.
6) Watership Down - something with dogs - Not only did I not see it, I don't believe it was supposed to be a kids movie.
5) Who Framed Roger Rabbit - Judge Doom's big reveal - AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGH! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHH! *ten minutes of uncontrolled, terrified shrieking* How is this not number one?!?
4) Toy Story 3 - the incinerator - Again, not from my childhood but, yes, it made me cry. Which is impressive considering I hate the Toy Story movies and don't give a shit about these characters outside of this scene.
3) All Dogs Go To Heaven - dragons? - There were dragons in All Dogs Go To Heaven? I must really not remember that movie.
2) Bambi - Bambi's mom gets shot - Ugh, Bambi's mom. The people who made this list have no imaginations. Bambi is boring, having an emotional reaction to Bambi's mom getting shot is a cliche and I am over it.
1) The Brave Little Toaster - a clown says "Run." - And, of course, they end on a moment I don't recognize from a movie I barely remember. Way to be anticlimactic, you fucking idiots.
I could have sworn I was an easily frightened, incredibly sensitive, total crybaby of a little kid. This list video makes me feel like a stone hearted sociopath for how little any of it had any effect on me.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
No comments:
Post a Comment