A Perpetually Incomplete List

I have this ... it's not an obsession, exactly, but I can't think of a better word for it (fixation, maybe?) ... Anyway, for several years now I have been putting together a list of songs that have the same name but are in no way the same song. Not entirely sure why, I just have to do it. Compulsion! That's the word. As it stands, the list I have put together is pretty long (as you shall see) but it could always be longer. If you can think of any I missed, please let me know so I can add them to the list. It'll never be finished, but it's fun to keep adding.
(I guess I should point out that I occasionally cheat a little, leaving out the occasional "The" or parenthetical. And in a couple of cases (namely Faggot and Tick Tock), I know the different versions are spelled differently, but I let it slide because I just wanted to add them to the list.)

About A Girl – Nirvana; Voltaire
Agony – Eels; Into The Woods
Alcohol – Barenaked Ladies; Beck; Brad Paisley; Butthole Surfers; Gogol Bordello; Suggs; The Kinks
Amazing – Aerosmith; Kanye West
Angel – Jimi Hendrix; Sarah McLachlan
Ashes To Ashes – David Bowie; Faith No More
Asshole – Beck; Denis Leary; Guttermouth
Bad Habit – The Dresden Dolls; The Offspring
Beautiful Disaster – Kelly Clarkson; Roger Clyne And The Peacemakers; 311
Believe – Cher; Voltaire
Be Prepared – The Lion King; Tom Lehrer
Blind – Korn; Placebo
Breakaway – Kelly Clarkson; Tracey Ullman
Bloody Mary – Lady Gaga; Mr. Bungle
Breakdown – Guns ‘N Roses; Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers
Breakfast – Sesame Street; The Newsboys
Breed – Lauren Christy; Nirvana
Brooklyn – They Might Be Giants; They Might Be Giants
California – Phantom Planet; Wax
California Girls – The Beach Boys; The Magnetic Fields
Celebration – Kool And The Gang; Madonna; They Might Be Giants
Change The World – Eric Clapton; Nellie McKay
Crazy – Aerosmith; Barenaked Ladies; Gnarls Barkley; Patsy Cline; Seal
Creep – Radiohead; Stone Temple Pilots; TLC
Daddy – Custom; Korn
Dead – My Chemical Romance; They Might Be Giants; Voltaire
Delilah – The Dresden Dolls; Tom Jones
Deliver Me – Sarah Brightman; Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers
Disenchanted – For Squirrels; My Chemical Romance
Dog Eat Dog – Joni Mitchell; Weird Al Yankovic
Down – Harry Nilsson; Pearl Jam; 311
Dust ‘N Bones – Cornbugs; Guns ‘N Roses
Early In The Morning – Bobby Darren; Harry Nilsson
Everything You Know Is Wrong – Chumbawumba; Weird Al Yankovic
Evidence – Enon; Faith No More
Faggot – Korn; Mindless Self Indulgence
Flower – Eels; Liz Phair; Toadies
Forever Young – Bob Dylan; Madness
For What It's Worth – Buffalo Springfield; Placebo
Get In Line – Barenaked Ladies; Juliana Hatfield; NoFX
Girlfriend – Avril Lavigne; Harry Nilsson; Matthew Sweet
Glory Days – Bruce Springsteen; Pulp
Good Day – Tally Hall; The Dresden Dolls
Happiness – You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown; Super Junior; The Fray; Tones On Tail
Happy Birthday – Voltaire; Weird Al Yankovic
Happy Birthday To Me – Syreeta; The Vandals
Harry Truman – Mindless Self Indulgence; Stan Ridgway
Head Over Heels – Tears For Fears; The Go-Gos
Hello Cruel World – E; Voltaire
Holiday – Green Day; Madonna; Weezer
Hot Dog – Matt Berry; They Might Be Giants
Hurricane – Bob Dylan; The Hush Sound
If – Bread; Coyote Shivers; Janet Jackson
I Feel For You – Jerry Reed; Shaka Kahn
If I Only Had A Brain – The Wizard Of Oz; MC 900 Ft. Jesus
I Kissed A Girl – Jill Sobule; Katy Perry
I Miss You – Bjork; Blink 182
I'm Sorry – King Missile; Voltaire
In This City – Enon; Iglu And Hartly
I Palindrome I – They Might Be Giants; They Might Be Giants
I Remember You – Skid Row; Slim Whitman
It's My Life – Bon Jovi; Talk Talk
I Want You – Savage Garden; The Beatles
Jack In The Box – Clodagh Rogers; Elysian Fields
Johanna – Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street; Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street (One is a slow, boring love song sung by a male boring character about a female boring character; the other is an old dude whipping himself for having impure thoughts about the female boring character)
Jump – Green Jello; Kriss Kross; The Pointer Sisters; Van Halen
Kickin' – Mike Patton; Whale
Kill You – Korn; Dethklok
Kiss Me – Sixpence None The Richer; Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
La La Land – Demi Lovato; Ookla The Mok
Last To Know – Faith No More; Imperial Teen
Little Girls – Annie; Oingo Boingo
Look Of Love – Dusty Springfield; Lesley Gore
Lucky – Britney Spears; Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat; Local H
Magdalena – A Perfect Circle; Underscore Orchestra
Maria – Blondie; West Side Story; Men At Work
Minneapolis – that dog.; They Might Be Giants
Money – Mindless Self Indulgence; The Beatles
Mother – Blonde Redhead; Danzig; Henry Rollins; John Lennon; Pink Floyd; Tori Amos
My Girl – Madness; The Temptations
Never Say Never – An American Tale; Romeo Void; that dog.; The Fray
No More Tears – Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer; Ozzy Osbourne; The KLF
Once Upon A Dream – Jekyll And Hyde; Sleeping Beauty
One – A Chorus Line; Harry Nilsson
One Step Beyond – Fantomas; Madness
1,2,3,4 – Feist; Plain White T's
Only The Lonely – Roy Orbison; The Motels
Ophelia – The Borrowers; Tori Amos
Our House – Crosby, Stills And Nash; Madness
Out There – Barnum; The Hunchback Of Notre Dame
Party Hard – Andrew W.K.; Pulp
Pennsylvania – Bloodhound Gang; John Linnell
Perfect Crime – Faith No More; Guns ‘N Roses
Pi – Hard ‘N Phirm; Kate Bush
Pig Latin – Dillinger Escape Plan; Imperial Teen
Planet Of The Apes – Mindless Self Indulgence; They Might Be Giants
Poker Face – Cornbugs; Lady Gaga
Popcorn – Barenaked Ladies; Gershon Kingsley
Pop Goes The Weasel - nursery rhyme; 3rd Bass
Popular – Wicked; Nada Surf
Pressure – Billy Joel; Fishbone
Promises Promises – Madness; Naked Eyes
Push It – Garbage; Salt ‘N Pepa; Tool
Read A Book – D-Mite; They Might Be Giants
Reunited – Greg Kihn; Peaches And Herb
Ride – Birdsaw; Rob Zombie
Right Now – Babes In Toyland; Korn; Van Halen
Round And Round - Madness; Ratt
Runaway – Del Shannon; Imperial Teen
Sally – Gogol Bordello; The Police
Salvation - Rancid; The Cranberries
Santa’s Beard – The Beach Boys; They Might Be Giants
Scream – Fluffy; Michael Jackson
Seven – Imperial Teen; They Might Be Giants
Seventeen – Repo! The Genetic Opera; The Fags; Winger
Shame – Depeche Mode; Matchbox 20; Randy Newman; Rollins Band; Stabbing Westward
She's A Woman – Bill Hicks; The Beatles
She Was A Hotel Detective – They Might Be Giants; They Might Be Giants (These were the two songs that I think started this whole list. I loved the fact that two songs that were so very different could have the same name (and be written by the same band, no less).)
Shine – Collective Soul; Stepa; Tracy Bonham
Shut Up – Black Eyed Peas; Bloodhound Gang; Butt Trumpet; Kelly Osbourne; Madness
Sing – The Carpenters; The Dresden Dolls
Siren – Birdsaw; Tori Amos
Skywriting – Artificial Joy Club; Eels
Smile – Lily Allen; Michael Jackson; Olive
Snoopy – It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown; You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown
Sober – Pink; Tool
So Low - Matt Berry; Seapony; Self
Stay – Lisa Loeb; Oingo Boingo
Stay Awake – Mary Poppins; The Capricorns
Stronger – Britney Spears; Kanye West
Superstar – For Squirrels; Self; The Carpenters
Suppertime – Little Shop Of Horrors; You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown
Sweet Emotion – Aerosmith; Faith No More
Take The Long Way Home – Bloodhound Gang; Supertramp
Temptation – Birdsaw; New Order
Thank You – Alanis Morissette; Descendents; Dido; Led Zeppelin
That's All – Don Juan Y Los Blancos; Genesis
The End – My Chemical Romance; The Beatles; The Doors
The Fear – Lily Allen; Pulp
Tick Tock – Don Juan Y Los Blancos; Kesha
Time – Pink Floyd; Hootie And The Blowfish; The Alan Parsons Project; Tom Waits
Too Little Too Late – Barenaked Ladies; Metric
Tsunami – Prozzak; Res; Stereogram
Vacation - Connie Francis; The Go-Gos; Vitamin C
Violin – Kate Bush; They Might Be Giants
Wait – Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street; The Beatles; White Lion
Welcome To The Jungle – Guns ‘N Roses; They Might Be Giants
What Is Love – Haddaway; Howard Jones
Wild Wild West – Escape Club; Will Smith
Woodstock – It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown; Joni Mitchell
You And I – Chess; Lady Gaga
Zero – Smashing Pumpkins; Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Again, if you know of any I missed, let me know. I can't tell you how satisfying it is to add songs to this list.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Rock And Roll Shoes

I've been getting this song stuck in my head off and on for months. And, now that their album is coming out (has come out?), they've made a video for it. Ladies and gentlemen, DON JUAN Y LOS BLANCOS!!!



The tall, mustachioed fellow on the left is my friend Dan. Please buy their album so he will be successful.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

More On Feminism (Moron Feminism?)

Do you ever make a point and then part of your brain starts playing devil's advocate and then you start getting into a silent argument with yourself? (I really hope that's a thing everyone does.)
Part of my brain is trying to make me feel disgraced that I picked apart and ridiculed a popular feminist slogan.
Now, here's the thing: I love the fact that I have rights. I really do. Thrilled with it, in fact. I like that I'm allowed to make my own choices about things. I'm glad I live in an era where I'm not considered property and if a man pisses me off I can tell him to go to hell without being sentenced to death.
However, I feel as thought feminism has mutated from the Women's Sufferage of the early 1900s to weird Female Superiority nonsense that pisses me off. In fact, the idea that either gender is superior is such total bullshit that I don't understand how people can still believe it's true (of men or women).
So a lot of feminist slogans really piss me off. I'm not better than any man. I'm not worse than any man, either. Yes, I consider myself a strong woman, but that doesn't mean I need to go marching around acting superior. Yes, women carry children and give birth, but we can't make the babies by ourselves.
I'm an equalist, not a feminist. I fucking hate feminists.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

I Ought To Change My Name To Complainypants Magoo

First of all, I'd like to address something that has bugged me for a very long time. There is a popular bumper sticker that says "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in heels." Which seems pretty cool until you think about it for longer than two seconds.
1) Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire did not always dance together. In fact, I bet if you added up all the times each of them danced alone or with other people, it would far outnumber the amount of times they danced together. So there's no way she did even close to "everything Fred Astaire did."
2) None of what Ginger Rogers did seemed backwards to her. She didn't dance by watching her dance partner and then trying to mirror it, she just learned her part.
So basically what the sticker is saying is: "Ginger Rogers knew how to dance in high heels." Which is impressive in its own right. It's certainly more than I can do. But it isn't a feminist statement. It's really just praising Ginger Rogers. Which is fine, I'm all for that. Ginger Rogers is (was?) a talented lady. I like her a lot.
You know what I don't like? Bullshit made up words like guesstimate, prettyful, al deska, brainfreeze, swapportunity, irregardless, meltilicious, staycation and bromance. Most (possibly all) of those words come from advertisements.
Today I'd like to talk to you about brainfreeze. ... Actually, no, I guess this is more about school. But it stems from brainfreeze.
You see, few people realize it now, but the term "brainfreeze" was invented by 7-Eleven to sell Slurpees. It first appeared in the 1990s, in a commercial where a guy sips a Slurpee, screams loudly for thirty second and then says. "Huh. Brainfreeze."
I've always fucking hated that ad.
It came out when I was in fifth grade, I think (so I was probably about ten) and I have vivid memories of yelling at fellow students who said "brainfreeze." I'd correct them, telling them the proper term is "ice cream headache" and I'd add that they were idiots for drawing their vocabulary from television commercials. (I realize now that's a pretty hypocritical argument coming from a chick who says "d'oh" but at least The Simpsons has artistic integrity.)
The point is, I'm kind of a bitch. Less so now, I guess, because I try to keep my mouth shut about these things more often than I did when I was a kid, but I do hit that boiling point sometimes and have to fire off an angry internet post.
Another example of my bitchitude happened when I was in third grade:
CLASSMATE: (setting up a joke) What does Batman's mom say when she calls him for dinner?
ME: (being an eight year old bitch) Nothing. She's dead. That's why he's Batman.
Junior high school was the place where I realized some people are far bitchier than me, and they hated me because ... I don't know. They just did. I hated them back, so I guess it was okay. But I wouldn't have hated them (or known they even existed) if they hadn't hated me first.
I don't wear makeup very often. I'll put on a little bit if I'm going somewhere fancy, but I feel like it's a waste of time to put it on every damn day, especially if I'm not leaving the house or only going to hang out with friends or run errands or something. Makeup is for nights out on the town (comedy shows, plays, some concerts, and probably dates but I've never been on one of those).
Back in junior high, the girls who thought I was fun to pick on seemed to think the fact that I didn't wear makeup was a huge goddamn deal. They gave me a hard time about it every day. So one day I came to school with huge streaks of green eyeshadow on my eyelids, trying to show them how ridiculous I thought wearing makeup to school was. They just made fun of me for putting it on badly. I guess I should have used the eyelinier to spell "IT'S UGLY ON PURPOSE" across my face.
I think that was the same year one of the many teachers to give me the "You're So Smart, Why Don't You Apply Yourself?" speech (answer: because I don't care) tacked on a "Why Do You Try To Alienate Your Peers?" addendum (answer: because they suck and I hate them).
The point is ... I don't know what the point is. Yesterday I was thinking about commercials I really hated, which reminded me of these stories of being in school. There's no point to any of it.
Except that my train of thought has an odd route and inconvenient loading stations. But I suspect that's true of everybody.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

There's A Guy Who's Been Awake Since The Second World War

The more I think about it, the more I realize I hate sleep.
First of all, I've always been a light sleeper. I'm ridiculously easy to wake up. What's the point of sleeping if you can't sleep well? That's complaint number one.
More than that, though, I've always kind of felt like it's a waste of time. Yes, I know sleep is necessary for one's body to rest and process everything it's been through since the last time it slept. It's a sort of regeneration thing. I understand that. But it takes too long and, other than the occasional odd dreams (which I do love) it's boring. "I'm going to lie down and close my eyes and ignore the world for several hours."
I feel like every minute spent asleep is a minute where I'm missing something. Yes, I have no life and yes, I'm always missing pretty much everything because of it. Although even if I did have a life and was always doing things, I can't be everywhere at once. That's another thing that's sad about life: no matter where you are, what you're doing and how much fun you're having, somewhere in the world there's something you're missing that is either more important or that you would be enjoying more.
And since that's already true, why should I have to make it worse by not only missing those things, but sleeping through opportunities to make up for the fact that I'm missing awesome things?!?
I need to train my body to not need sleep. Not entirely, I guess, but to only need, like, two hours of sleep a day. I would be okay with that. I've already got insomnia so I don't fall alseep 'til three (at the earliest) and I hate sleeping past nine. So that's six hours on an ideal night. I could get by on six hours of sleep every day, although six hours seems like a really long time.
Seriously. If someone locked you in a room with nothing but a bed and said they'd let you out again in six hours, you'd probably be mad.
That's kind of how I feel about sleeping.
Too bad I also hate being overtired. Basically, I can't win.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Talking To Myself

I have a friend who is fangirly about a lot of things and is very involved with various internet fan websites, discussions and fan fiction (especially the kind where male characters are in love with each other). And I hold none of that against her; it's not my kind of thing but it makes her happy. I'm just as big a fangirl about things as she is, I just express it differently.
What I do have a problem with is the fact that she refers to these internet communities as "fandom." That implies that fandom only consists of the people in these communities.
Everything in the world that can have fans, does. Everything. And everyone in the world is a fan of something. Therefore, the word "fandom" basically means "everybody in the world" but she doesn't use it that way. When she says it, she's only talking about the people in her internet communities and that kind of offends me. Just because I'm not involved in message boards and turning everybody gay doesn't make me not a fan.
To be perfectly honest, I don't really enjoy fan communities because (and this could just be my skewed perception) I feel like a lot of people try to turn it into a contest. Everyone seems to be convinced that they are the biggest fan and they're out to prove it. That's an attitude I first noticed at Mike Patton concerts and it seems fairly prominent on the internet. I'm not out to prove anything, I just love the things I love. And I've discovered I don't have much to say about the things I'm a fan of beyond "I love it, it's great," unless I'm talking about specific details (particular songs or episodes of a TV show, for instance).
But that's what my friends and this blog are for. I can tell my friends my ideas or write about them on this blog. Most of my friends don't like many of the same things I do and nobody reads this blog, so I'm essentially talking to myself (which is kind of lonely) but I don't have to worry about whether I win at loving a band or a movie or a television show.
(I should point out that I have encountered other fans online who really do just want to share their love of things with other people, no ego or competition involved. I like those people. Too bad I haven't encountered more of them.)
This is the problem with the internet: It perpetuates the already rampant misconception everybody has that they are the center of the universe. It's the problem that comes with being alive and never getting any time away from yourself: you tend to think you matter most. I'm guilty of it and you are too (and don't try to pretend like you're not; one of the symptoms of thinking you're the center of the universe is an "I'm not like that!" response to anything that sounds remotely negative).
The point is, the internet has made everybody all the more self centered. Facebook is a place where people go to assume everybody else cares what they have to say. Same goes for Twitter, any other "social network" websites I've missed, blogs and personal websites. Everybody has a voice on the internet, and everybody assumes their voice means something.
It doesn't. We're talking to nobody. Because we're not the center of the universe and nobody but ourselves care what we have to say.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

The Egg McMuffin Of Blog Posts

This blog seems to be becoming the place where I complain about horrible commercials. Here's one for you:



Okay, yes, the entire premise is stupid. Referring to anything as the "Egg McMuffin" of anything in a way that is supposed to mean anything better than "okay if it's the only option" is ridiculous.
But that's not what I take offense at.
What elevates this ad to the point that raises my blood pressure enough for me to take to the internet in a rage is the first scenario, where a guy tells his girlfriend he loves her and his girlfriend clearly stalls before telling him "I think you're the Egg McMuffin of boyfriends."
Not only does it not fit in with the rest of the premise of the commercial (where everyone else is using that phrase to mean "ultimate in its field;" this girl seems to be the only one who's using my "okay when it's the only option" definition), but holy fancy god, what a wretched bitch! Who responds to "I love you" with *obvious pause that indicates a lack of returned love* "You're like breakfast from McDonalds."
What's worse is the guy smiles, like she's just complimented him. She just called you cheap and mediocre, dude! Dump her ass and find a girlfriend who doesn't suck!
... On the other hand, you were dumb enough to fall for it. Nevermind. I take it back. Stay with her. You two can have your own sitcom:
Stupid And The Bitch, this fall on NBC!

Be seeing you.
-Sally