U.S. Presidents

I know little to nothing about history. I'll start with that.
This morning, while I washed my hair, I was thinking about an ad I saw that claimed Andrew Jackson's parrot had a foul mouth.

This ad right here.
Then I was thinking about how I know two songs that list all the United States presidents and yet I still don't really know anything about United States presidents.
So, anyway, now I'm writing a blog where I list the presidents in order, not by name, but by how I see them. I'd like to thank the Wikipedia page that lists all the U.S. presidents in order for being my reference guide because it's not like I have them memorized.

1) President The First President
2) President I'm Distantly Related To Him The First
3) President Declaration Of Independence And Had Sex With A Slave With The Same First Name As Me And Thought A Sloth Was A Lion But I Only Found That Out Recently
4) President "Never Had A Son And He Fought The War Of 1812"
5) President Animaniacs Claimed He Had A Big Nose But I Was Just Looking At A Picture Of Him And I Don't See It
6) President I'm Distantly Related To Him The Second
7) President Badass The First
8) President Bald And Sideburns
9) President Died Really Early
10) President I Think I Had To Do A Report On Him In, Like, Seventh Grade
11) President They Might Be Giants Song
12) President Unless It Was This Guy I Had To Do A Report On
13) President Has A Comic Strip That I Never Read Named After Him
14) President "Young And Fierce Was Franklin Pierce The Man Without A Chin"
15) President The Guy Before Abraham Lincoln
16) Abraham Lincoln
17) President The Guy After Abraham Lincoln
18) President I Think He Was A General Or Something In The Civil War And I'm Pretty Sure He Drank A Lot
19) President Won By One Vote
20) President Hates Mondays
21) President "Fall Down"
22) President Furry Blue Monster
23) President Guy Who Was President Between Grover Cleveland And Grover Cleveland
24) President Furry Blue Monster Again
25) President I Cannot For The Life Of Me Come Up With Anything To Say About And Therefore Is Probably The Most Forgettable President
26) President Badass The Second
27) President Didn't Want To Be President And Would Rather Be Golfing And Got Stuck In The Bathtub So Bought A Bigger One (also President My Favorite President)
28) President Guy I Always Get Confused With Calvin Coolidge For Some Reason
29) President Name Sounds Like A Character In A 1930s Gangster Movie
30) President "You Lose" And Lena Lamont Has More Money Than Him Put Together
31) President Vacuum Cleaner
32) President World War Two
33) President Mindless Self Indulgence Song
34) President Fashionable Wife
35) President Assassination Inspired A Million Conspiracy Theories
36) President Guy After John F. Kennedy
37) President "Just Wrote An Article For Redbook"
38) President Actually Fall Down
39) President Electric Six Song
40) President Has A Library Near My House Who Loved Jelly Beans And Used To Be An Actor And My Mom Hates Him
41) President Hates Broccoli
42) President Saxophone
43) President Stupid
44) President The Guy Who's The President As I'm Writing This Who Will Probably Be Best Known In The Future By Kids Like Me Who Are Bad At History For Being "President Black Guy The First"

Be seeing you.
-Sally