I've been seeing a commercial on television lately for Duncan Hines Frosting Creations (that isn't a link to the commercial I've been seeing, but it is a handly dandy reference guide for the following ramble) and I have become completely obsessed with them in an annoyed, baffled sort of way.
(I'd like to point out that, in the middle of typing that sentence, Food Network showed the commercial. Coincidental!)
Before I begin, let me state outright that I am not endorsing Frosting Creations in any way and I urge you not not buy the product. I want Duncan Hines to fail in this particular venture, and I want them to fail spectacularly.
Let me explain the premise of the product: Frosting Creations come in two parts, a can of "frosting starter" (also known as a can of "plain frosting") and a packet of flavoring. Consumers add the packet of flavoring to the frosting starter and mix it up into a "unique" flavor. (Never mind the fact that these are all flavors that exist elsewhere in the world, thus negating their use of the word "unique".)
Because I'd be wondering, here's a list of their flavors:
Bubble Gum
Caramel
Cherry Vanilla
Chocolate Almond
Chocolate Marshmallow
Cinnamin Roll
Cotton Candy
Mint Chocolate
Mocha
Orange Cream (which they spell "Creme" but I'm not pretentious)
Strawberry Shortcake
White Chocolate Raspberry
Now, to be honest, some of those sound like good frosting flavors. I'd even eat some of them.
So why the fuck doesn't Duncan Hines just sell those flavors of frosting? They obviously have the technology to make them. Plus, I, along with many other people, hate making my own frosting (one of the many reasons I didn't pursue work as a pastry chef) and I'm all about pre-made frosting. I don't need to feel like I'm part of the process when it comes to canned frosting and I would rather get a pre-made Chocolate Almond frosting than a Chocolate Almond frosting with some assembly required.
So why, Duncan Hines. WHY is this product a thing?
The obvious answer is: it's a money grab. Of course it's a money grab. Why have consumers give us money for one product when we can get them to pay for two? Duncan Hines is a business, it wants your money and Frosting Creations, by virtue of being "new" and "different" and possibly even "innovative" (bullshit, by the way), is going to get it for them.
The reason I refuse to just write the whole thing off as a money grab and forget the whole matter is: that answer is too obvious. Like I just said, it's a blatant excuse to get people to pay for two products instead of one. You don't even have to think about it to realize that's what's going on; it's instinctual.
So there must be a deeper, more interesting and possibly even sinister reason. There has to be. Yes, it's still a money grab, but there has to be more to it than that.
So I hate Frosting Creations but I am obsessed with them and I'm determined to uncover their horrible secret.
Be seeing you.
-Sally
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