Thursday, December 12, 2013

A Blast From My Past

There was, like, three months in high school where I was obsessed with Nina Hagen. And by "obsessed" I mean I owned one greatest hits album and listened to it until I was sick of it.
But one song I never got sick of was Smack Jack.
Time makes songs fade from memory and for years I didn't think about Nina Hagen much and, in fact, I forgot Smack Jack was a song. Until about an hour ago when I accidentally stumbled across the official video on Youtube:



I've watched it three times. And I am willing to admit I'm really attracted to her in this video. I'm not sure why, since most of the Ninas in the video are drowning in makeup. But I can't stop staring at her. She's gorgeous. And the song rocks.
Maybe I'm just compulsively attracted to people with mustaches drawn on their faces.
Aww, yeah. What a freakin' dreamboat. *sigh*
 
Be seeing you.
-Sally

Thursday, November 28, 2013

In Case You Ever Need To Make Me Cry In A Hurry

Playing any one of these songs when I am in the room is almost one hundred percent guaranteed to reduce me to a sobbing puddle of misery in a matter of seconds.

Baby Mine from Dumbo - If you've ever seen Dumbo, you understand. I have a friend who danced to this song with his mom at his wedding and I had to leave the party for a while. Willingly listening to Baby Mine is something I can't fathom doing.
Fire Island by Fountains Of Wayne - This one isn't so much about the lyrics as it is the notes he uses to sing those lyrics. The song is basically about convincing your parents to go out of town so you and your sibling can throw a house party but the music makes it sound like the saddest thing in the world.
Heaven’s Light from The Hunchback Of Notre Dame - I just teared up at the thought of typing the line from this song that makes me break down. So I'm not going to do that.
Hot Summer Nights (Won’t Last Forever) by The Aquabats - This is a song that's probably supposed to be funny but I took it too seriously and it made me cry so hard that the first time I listened to the album, I didn't hear any of the songs after this one 'cause even when I was no longer crying, I was still too sad to listen. (I skip this song now, have heard the rest of the album many times and it is, in fact, my second favorite Aquabats album.) I'm going to see them live in a little more than a week and I have two huge fears about the show: 1) that somehow I'll miss it and 2) that they'll play this song.
If Elmo Had A Dinosaur from Sesame Street - Elmo Wants A Pet Dinosaur is the saddest episode of Sesame Street I've ever seen (I have never seen Goodbye Mister Hooper, which I assume is the saddest episode of Sesame Street ever made) and this song has a lot to do with it. ... I guess it's not a sad episode so much as it's wistful and melancholy but jeezus kriste I hope I never hear this song again.
It Changes from Snoopy Come Home - Other than that song they whistle while they're traveling, Snoopy Come Home is pretty much an hour and a half of absolute sadness and people abandoning each other. The whole freaking movie makes me cry but this song is the worst part.
I Will Go Sailing No More from Toy Story - I don't like Toy Story. The only parts I like take place at Sid's house and, to be fair, I actually like this scene, when Buzz Lightyear finds out he really is a toy. It's possibly the only genuinely moving scene in the movie and is followed by "I AM MRS. NESBIT!" which I enjoy. So I guess it says a lot about the strength of this song that it can have two strikes against it (it makes me cry and it's part of a movie I actively dislike) and I can still say I like the scene it's used in. I guess it's the right kind of crying.
I Will Wait For You by Connie Francis - Also known as "the song from the end of the dog episode of Futurama."
Marilyn Monroe from Blood Brothers - My friend Amanda burned me a copy of the soundtrack to this show and, much like the first time I listened to that one Aquabats album, I couldn't hear anything after this song because it made me cry so hard. And every time the tears dried, they'd throw a reprise in there.
Maybe from Annie - And speaking of endless reprises of heartbreaking songs, I think they sing this in the movie at least four times. Mister Warbucks's reprise is by far the saddest. Even on a good day, when the first three renditions don't get to me (very rare but I think it's happened), when Albert Finney sings it, I am done. There's no getting through that without weeping.
My Mother from The Chipmunk Adventure - The Chipettes have been given a baby penguin in the desert. He's sick and dying and misses his mom. So, to cheer him up, they sing him possibly the saddest song ever written. That's the opposite of helpful, kids. (They do take him home to his parents and then everything's okay except I think there's an instrumental version of My Mother in that scene.)
Never Knew Your Name by Madness - They played this when I saw them live. And I cried. But luckily I only cried a little so it wasn't too embarrassing.
Nobody’s Problems from Bedknobs And Broomsticks - Apparently this was a song that was cut from the original release of the movie but put back for the ultra-long special edition. It's basically Angela Lansbury singing words that say "I'm glad they'll all be out of my life because I'm an independent witch lady who likes to live alone" and a subtext that says "I am so lonely and I love them all so much."
One More Minute by Weird Al Yankovic - Okay, this one doesn't make me cry every single time anymore like it used to when I was a kid. But it does still get me sometimes. I will never, ever, ever understand what about this song is supposed to be funny.
On My Own from Les Miserables - The character who sings this song, as far as I can tell, exists in the show only to remind me how much unrequited love hurts. (Unrequited love is the only kind I've ever experienced, by the way, so it's not like it takes a lot to remind me.) This song is the pinnacle of that. The chick in the movie fucking kills it. I actually went on Amazon and downloaded the song but I will never listen to it. I just had to have it.
Reflection from Mulan - A perfect anthem for any and all of us who feel like fuckups. I don't think my family's disappointed in me, necessarily, but I sure am.
Sugar And Spice by Madness - The first three times I heard this song I wasn't paying attention and couldn't figure out why I was suddenly in tears. The next time I paid attention and understood why I was crying. Now that I've paid attention to the lyrics, I can't listen to the song at all anymore. I was once halfway through a conversation with my mom and abruptly left the room mid-sentence 'cause this song came on in the background and I started crying.
The Age Of Not Believing from Bedknobs And Broomsticks - Growing up blows. But being somewhere between kid and adult, and being overly concerned with seeming cool, sucks even worse than growing up. And that is the point of this song. And, again, Angela Lansbury has the right voice to make this song insanely effective.
The Best Of Friends from The Fox And The Hound - Is it just me or are most of these songs from Disney movies?
Things That I Remember from Sesame Street - This is also in that Elmo Wants A Pet Dinosaur episode of Sesame Street. I managed to hold it somewhat together through If Elmo Had A Dinosaur, I only mildly sniffed through the song about the kid trying to find his pet Homer at the pound, I think one other thing in between made me feel like the tears might come back and then, right when I thought the coast was clear, Ernie started singing Things That I Remember. Boom! Sobbing mess.
When Love Is Gone from The Muppet Christmas Carol - Whenever I'm watching the movie and this song starts, I leave the room and then promptly cry anyway because I remember how it goes.
When She Loved Me from Toy Story 2 - If you've ever seen Toy Story 2, you understand.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Saturday, October 12, 2013

A Letter I Recently Wrote To Disneyland

"According to internet rumors, Disneyland is going to overhaul Tomorrowland and redesign it to fit a Star Wars theme. Internet rumors are not necessarily always true but just in case this one is, I just wanted to write and say how disappointed I am.
Tomorrowland's current Jules Verne-inspired theme is both futuristic and timeless, and feels as magical as the rest of Disneyland. It's original, it's downright cool and it was really nice to see the most tinkered-with land in the park finally find an identity.
I love Tomorrowland. I have absolutely no interest in visiting ALongTimeAgoInAGalaxyFarFarAwayland.
I understand that the Disney company just acquired the rights to Star Wars but that is no excuse to retheme a land around it. Nothing about Star Wars is original or magical to me. Star Wars is pervasive, Star Wars is everywhere; going to Disneyland and finding Star Wars is not only disappointing, it's boring. Why should I bother going to Disneyland if all I'm going to find is something as ordinary and omnipresent as Star Wars?
I implore you not to go through with the changes. If you want to rearrange some rides and decongest the entrance to the land, that is wonderful. But don't retheme the area. There's no reason to take a beautiful section of your park and turn it into blatant product placement.
Sincerely,"
me

Thursday, October 3, 2013

A Couple Weeks Old But Still Accurate

'Cause I was bored today I made lists of my top thirteen favorite
— actors and actresses
— albums
— bands (and top thirteen favorite songs by each of those bands … except for one of them but … I’ll get to that)
— two lists of books (one for chapter books, one for picture books)
— comedians
— foods
— movies (and my top thirteen least favorite movies; also one list of Disney movies)
— musicals
— musician crushes
— songs to sing at karaoke
— two lists of television shows (one for live action, one for animated)
I’ve arranged them in alphabetical order because I never feel right ranking things. Read if you want, don’t if you don’t!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I Swore I Was Going To Stay Out Of This But...

The more it keeps popping up on Facebook and stuff, the more pissed off I get. So I feel the need to say something.
That whole "Miley Cyrus performance at the VMAs" thing? A friend of mine showed me that video about a week ago.
It was so obviously, deliberately designed to make people talk about it on the internet (nothing more, nothing less) that I am disgusted, angry and saddened that so many people, including intelligent people who I love and respect, fell for it.
It was entirely calculated. There are no cultural implications behind it. There is nothing behind it. Not even shock value. It was just MTV really wanting some fucking attention. And you all gave them exactly what they wanted (and now I am, too).
I'm pissed that nobody else seems to have realized it.

Be seeing you.
-Sally

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I Made A Spreadsheet About The Aquabats! Super Show!

I did.
But the problem is, Blogger won't let me post it here in spreadsheet form.
So I just retyped the entire thing in a text document, which I will now copy and paste here so I don't have to be the only person enjoying my hard work.
I tried to be as thorough as possible but I'm sure I missed things. If anybody has an information (songs or foods I missed would be nice. And if anyone knows where the fox is in Antibats, I will love you forever if you tell me where he is. I'm tired of scouring that episode looking for him and coming up with nothing), it will be greatly appreciated.
Enjoy?


Manant!commercial – Harry Hider
does Eaglebones summon The Dude
– no
foods referenced and / or eaten
– birthday cake, burgers, butter mint, corn(dog), giant bagel, tasty bacon sandwich
Learning And Growing
– not applicable
Pablo cartoon
– waking up and getting cereal
"Somewhere…"
– "at a backyard birthday party"
songs
– Burger Rain, We Don’t Stop
where is the cartoon
– under the Battletram
where is the fox
– running past in the background when we first see the picnickers
who says “it’s a cartoon”
– Crash
who sees the cartoon
– Crash, Eaglebones, Jimmy, MCBC, Ricky

Mysterious Egg!commercial – Handi Gel
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – a giant egg full of protein, hardboiled (robin?) eggs, peanuts
Learning And Growing – “Part of being a parent is knowing when to let your children go.”
Pablo cartoon – trying to open a coconut on a desert island
“Somewhere…” – "deep in the forest"
songs – Robot Dreams
where is the cartoon – in a birds nest
where is the fox – running past when the Battletram arrives to rescue Ricky from Jimmy Jr.
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Eaglebones
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Eaglebones, MCBC, Ricky

Eagleclaw!commercial – High Tides
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – yes
foods referenced and / or eaten – a drink (with a cartoon in it), ice cream
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – finding a cowboy hat and confronting a ghost
“Somewhere…” – "at a rock music concert"
songs – B.R.O., The Legend Is True
where is the cartoon – at the bottom of Crash’s drink
where is the fox – on the Ferris wheel during Eagleclaw’s flashback
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Crash, Jimmy, MCBC, Ricky
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Jimmy, MCBC, Ricky

Laundry Day!commercial – Ring In A Can
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – doughnuts, hot orange juice
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – surfing and fighting a shark
“Somewhere…” – "at a local city dump"
songs – The Good Life
where is the cartoon – in MCBC’s doughnut
where is the fox – running past in the background during the beginning of Mudlark’s flashback
who says “it’s a cartoon” – MCBC
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Eaglebones, Jimmy, MCBC

Ladyfingers!commercial – Tiny Burgers
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – Aquabats, fruit punch, Tiny Burgers
Learning And Growing – “That is why we shouldn’t judge people or mummies until we get to know them.”
Pablo cartoon – not applicable
“Somewhere…” – "at night on a coastal highway"
songs – Beat Fishin’, B.F.F., Hey Hey Lady In The Corner, The Siren’s Song, Tiny Burgers jingle, Wednesday, What A Lovely Night
where is the cartoon – in a cupboard
where is the fox – running past at the end when the Aquabats drop off the party guests
who says “it’s a cartoon” – MCBC
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Eaglebones, MCBC, party guests, Ricky

Haunted Battletram!commercial – Mummy Spray
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – burrito (with fresh healthy veggies), cherry swordfish Slushi, ectoplasmic residue
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – eating onions
“Somewhere…” – "in a spooky graveyard"
songs – Personal Property
where is the cartoon – behind a door
where is the fox – digging in a grave in the opening scene
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Ricky
who sees the cartoon – Ricky

Cowboy Android!commercial – Lil Bat Cartoon Player
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – cheese ball, Lil Bat Cartoon Player (“it’s edible!”), water
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – not applicable unless you count the commercial
“Somewhere…” – "in the depths of a coal mine"
songs – Cowboy Android Theme Song, Winging It
where is the cartoon – in a car’s glove compartment
where is the fox – on a balcony when MCBC is attempting to save the Aquabats from being hung
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Eaglebones
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Eaglebones, MCBC, Ricky

Uberchaun!commercial – Slushi
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – yes
foods referenced and / or eaten – cherry soda, prune soda, Slushis
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – cooking ants with a magnifying glass
“Somewhere…” – "at a three star golf course"
songs – We Got This
where is the cartoon – in a tree
where is the fox – golfing and then running away behind MCBC and Eaglebones after they chase the tree monster
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Uberchaun
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Eaglebones, Jimmy, MCBC, Ricky, Uberchaun

Pilgrim Boy!commercial – Snakey Snacks
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – yes
foods referenced and / or eaten – hot dogs, pineapples, popsicles, purple ice cubes, Snakey Snacks, turkey
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – trying to sleep while a fly buzzes around his head
“Somewhere…” – "just outside of Detroit"
songs – The World’s Passing By
where is the cartoon – Pilgrim Boy turns into it
where is the fox – on television running away from the giant space cricket
who says “it’s a cartoon” – MCBC
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Eaglebones, Jimmy, MCBC, Pilgrim Boy (arguably), Ricky

Floating Eye Of Death!commercial – Stooped Fone
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – Floating Eye Of Death goop, snacks
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – skateboarding
“Somewhere…” – "at a rock concert"
songs – Feel My Steel (rap version), Feel My Steel (rock version), The Shark Fighter
where is the cartoon – it’s a video game
where is the fox – getting a newspaper as Zombie Trucker and Zombie MCBC drag Tina out of the store
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Crash
who sees the cartoon – Crash

Night Of The Cactus!commercial – S.C.A.B.S.
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – rocket powered hot dogs, S.C.A.B.S., sparkling water, water, wheatgrass shooters
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – pogo stick
“Somewhere…” – "at a desert campsite"
songs – Doing Science
where is the cartoon – scanned from the surface of the meteorite
where is the fox – pretending to be a cactus just before the meteor mutates the actual cactus
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Jimmy
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Jimmy

Cobraman!commercial – Scruffy Scruff
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – pizza (not quite eaten in one bite), truck stop chimichanga
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – not applicable
“Somewhere…” – "on a world tour"
songs – Awesome Forces, Gnarbarian Party
where is the cartoon – on a screen in the Battletram control room
where is the fox – hiding behind a tree when the stolen Battletram drives by while the Aquabats are gardening
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Carl
who sees the cartoon – Carl, Cobraman, Crash, Eaglebones, Jimmy, Ricky

Showtime!commercial – Pop ‘N’ Shocker
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – yes
foods referenced and / or eaten – burger, pizza
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – not applicable
“Somewhere…” – "in a junk filled vacant lot"
songs – Showtime
where is the cartoon – in Space Monster M’s eye
where is the fox – in the panicking crowd when Space Monster M reveals himself
who says “it’s a cartoon” – MCBC
who sees the cartoon – MCBC

The Return Of The Aquabats!commercial – Sonic Boom 3000
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – yes
foods referenced and / or eaten – delicious dirt, fat blue guys, ice cream, tacos
Learning And Growing – “Saving the world is a big responsibility that hopefully someone else will pay for.”
Pablo cartoon – snowboarding dream
“Somewhere…” – "in the universe"
songs – generic ska song, Help Me, various Pixies references
where is the cartoon – not applicable
where is the fox – running across the top of a mountain as Eaglebones approaches the bar in his origin story
who says “it’s a cartoon” – not applicable
who sees the cartoon – not applicable

Summer Camp!commercial – Captain Turnip’s Grocery Island
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – tries but fails
foods referenced and / or eaten – shiny lemons
Learning And Growing – “Always be wary of people who are way into putting jewels on their sweaters. They can transform into hideous freaks and rampage at summer camps.”
Pablo cartoon – mad scientist making dinner
“Somewhere…” – "at a summer camp"
songs – Aquacadets Camp Song, Captain Turnip's Grocery Island jingle, Summer Camp
where is the cartoon – in a gem in the cave
where is the fox – running out from behind a tree and getting shot at by MCBC
who says “it’s a cartoon” – MCBC
who sees the cartoon – MCBC

Bad Apples!commercial – Dirt Clod
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – apples, apple pie, chips, cookies, Dirt Clod (“makes a great snack”), fresh veggies, milk
Learning And Growing – “Sometimes people and robots just need to run.” and “Sometimes it takes cutting open a giant, disgusting, slimy worm to bring a family close together.”
Pablo cartoon – tennis
“Somewhere…” – "at a local neighborhood supermarket"
songs – Captain Turnip’s Grocery Island jingle, Open The Worm
where is the cartoon – on a chain around a skeleton’s neck in Jimmy’s dad’s lab
where is the fox – running past far in the background right after Jimmy rescues his mom
who says “it’s a cartoon” – Martha Goodman
who sees the cartoon – Jimmy, Martha

The Thingy!commercial – Meal A Rang
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – no
foods referenced and / or eaten – chicken, hot cocoa (with cinnamon), hot dogs, salt, steak
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – flying soda burps
“Somewhere…” – "on a snowy mountain road"
songs – I’m A Bad Thingy
where is the cartoon – buried in the snow
where is the fox – running past in the snow when Jimmy is scanning for the Thingy
who says “it’s a cartoon” – MCBC
who sees the cartoon – Eaglebones, MCBC

The Antibats!commercial – Popcorn Pants
does Eaglebones summon The Dude – yes
foods referenced and / or eaten – cotton candy, hot dog, ice, ice cream, popcorn, smoothie
Learning And Growing – not applicable
Pablo cartoon – dentist
“Somewhere…” – "at a shred center"
songs – Asthma’s song, Dreaming Of A Girl Like You, Hug Someone
where is the cartoon – on a portable TV in a hobo’s lap
where is the fox – to be determined
who says “it’s a cartoon” – the hobo
who sees the cartoon – Crash, Eaglebones, the hobo, Jimmy, MCBC, Ricky
Be seeing you.
-Sally

Monday, July 22, 2013

Just Thinking

My freshman year of high school I got nominated for "Homecoming Court" or something like that. But football games and school dances were not my kind of thing, and I just assumed it would end up being a Carrie situation anyway (I had few friends and mostly kept to myself), so I just didn't bother to show up for any of things that I was, as a nominee, supposed to do.
It didn't occur to me until, like, two days ago that maybe all those kids actually just nominated me because they thought I was nice and I blew them off. Now I feel like a jerk.
But maybe they would have just made fun of me.
But maybe they wouldn't have.
There's no way of knowing now. Either way, I would have been uncomfortable. It's just now I feel bad retroactively in case they nominated me with sincere intentions.

Be seeing you.
-Sally